“I do not want to be the leader. I refuse to be the leader. I want to live darkly and richly in my femaleness. I want a man lying over me, always over me. His will, His pleasure, His desire, His life, His work, His sexuality the touchstone, the command, my pivot. I don’t mind working, holding my ground intellectually, artistically; but as a woman, oh, God, as a woman I want to be dominated. I don’t mind being told to stand on my own feet, not to cling, be all that I am capable of doing, but I am going to be pursued, fucked, possessed by the will of a male at His time, His bidding.”
As a young girl, I grew up with the knowledge that society looked down on women and as such, if I wanted to be respected, I had to be independent, tough, hold down my own and not give in to anyone's controlling ways. I ended up in a male-dominated career field and I became tougher, had to work extra hard to let my voice be heard. I became a strong, intelligent, focused and determined, courageous, ambitious, and outspoken woman who realised she also had a choice. I could be independent and submissive at the same time. I explored it and I love it.
Someone once said:
It requires a knowledge and understanding of self, am embracing of your compulsions, which might not be acceptable in mainstream society. It requires that you know who you are, what you want, and be willing to go beyond the limits and constraints society places on you.
I know I am a leader, I take charge and I have a commanding presence. Oh how I enjoy the power and control. I am outspoken, and everyone recognizes that and respects it. However, I want to submit to men of equal or greater power. I feel comfortable giving over the power to someone else and taking the secondary, submissive role.
I want to know that somewhere, someone has ultimate control over me, even when I’m at the highest leadership position at work making important decisions, controlling a big work budget, tweeting my free time away, or just generally hanging out with the girls. The control should be his, and everything that I am belongs to him and exists for his use according to his wants and needs. Scary revelation? I don't care. Ephesians 5:22 backs me up.
Now before the feminist movement comes after me, note there is a difference. I am not oppressed, no, I choose to be both Independent and Submissive. I am an intelligent, well-read, well-informed, woman of strength capable of rational thought. I know well enough that men still run the world and women are often our own worst enemies when it comes to power. I get ALL of that.
But I want to be Submissive. I want to ask my man, how can I make you happy? What do you need me to do for you? I want to be the one he relies upon to keep Him happy and his home well-taken care of. I want to give him power over me, a woman of strength, over to someone who equally enjoys being in possession of that power and control. I want a balance to exists between us that will create an intense intimacy generated from the high level of trust we must have for each other.
This I think defines me. This is who I am and I want to be. An independent and submissive woman.