Monday, August 27, 2012
I heard a quote sometime ago. It got me thinking. It said:
"We are flawed because we want so much more"
Is that true?
I feel like I'm limiting myself. I don't know how to explain it. I really need and want this space to feel experimental. I want it to be visual. I want it to tell a tale of my life as it exists at this point in time. Where I’m striving to be raw and vulnerable. How I'm growing, my progress. I want to be able to look back and see how I lived my life.
I should probably write more.
Love! I want the kind of love that soars.
You know Love is the very manifestation of the most High. God loved us first. It's the most audacious act, explains why Jesus died for my sins.
It’s a subject that intrigues me; something I know everything and nothing about. A conundrum that lends itself perfectly to my stream of consciousness. I’m optimistic about it theoretically; but my thoughts on romantic love specifically, and whether it’s in the stars for me, wildly fluctuate. This may or may not have something to do with my propensity to attract people who present their logic as an antithesis to the kind of love I like to believe in. That's in the past now. I hope.
You forget how painful it is…heartbreak. So you can love again. Like childbirth. So I've heard. Explains why my mother had 3. She probably forgot the pain of the first 2. Well I'm glad I'm here.
It’s much easier to believe that the timing is off. That someone just isn’t capable of loving you the way you require generally. It’s considerably more painful to finally realize that they are indeed capable of loving…just not loving YOU. It makes it intensely personal.
And “love” is such a tool. There’s no on-off switch. It crawls inside and camps out. SMH!
There are some moments that bring clarity and reveal the truth about others. I've had a few of those recently. Liberating.
I started a new work gig today. Really high position. I feel small. I guess I deserve it. Years of hardwork finally paying off. Like my pastor said, 'After the fact'.