Monday, August 27, 2012

Flawed


I heard a quote sometime ago. It got me thinking. It said:

"We are flawed because we want so much more"
Is that true?

I feel like I'm limiting myself. I don't know how to explain it. I really need and want this space to feel experimental. I want it to be visual. I want it to tell a tale of my life as it exists at this point in time. Where I’m striving to be raw and vulnerable. How I'm growing, my progress. I want to be able to look back and see how I lived my life.
I should probably write more.

Love! I want the kind of love that soars.

You know Love is the very manifestation of the most High. God loved us first. It's the most audacious act, explains why Jesus died for my sins.

It’s a subject that intrigues me; something I know everything and nothing about. A conundrum that lends itself perfectly to my stream of consciousness. I’m optimistic about it theoretically; but my thoughts on romantic love specifically, and whether it’s in the stars for me, wildly fluctuate. This may or may not have something to do with my propensity to attract people who present their logic as an antithesis to the kind of love I like to believe in. That's in the past now. I hope.

You forget how painful it is…heartbreak. So you can love again. Like childbirth. So I've heard. Explains why my mother had 3. She probably forgot the pain of the first 2. Well I'm glad I'm here.

It’s much easier to believe that the timing is off. That someone just isn’t capable of loving you the way you require generally. It’s considerably more painful to finally realize that they are indeed capable of loving…just not loving YOU. It makes it intensely personal.

And “love” is such a tool. There’s no on-off switch. It crawls inside and camps out. SMH!

There are some moments that bring clarity and reveal the truth about others. I've had a few of those recently. Liberating.

I started a new work gig today. Really high position. I feel small. I guess I deserve it. Years of hardwork finally paying off. Like my pastor said, 'After the fact'.

Sunday, August 19, 2012

I was Here.

Written on Friday- 17th August, 2012

Today was Wale's funeral. My friend that died in a plane crash. He was 33. It was really sad but hopeful at the same time. Sad because he lived a short life, touched a lot of people and has left a big ache. We all miss him. Everyone does. He was an amazing guy.

Hopeful because as Christians, we do not mourn as though we have no hope. God gives and he takes, and there's the promise of resurrection where we will all meet again.

Losing someone especially a friend at such a young age makes one think. What mark do I want to leave on earth.

Beyonce's song comes to mind. 'I was here' Ever studied the lyrics?
I look at my life and I wonder what people will say when I'm gone. Have I made an impact? Will people have positive things to remember me by? What exactly is my God-given purpose on earth? Am I on the path to fulfilling it?


I wanna leave my footprints on the sands of time
Know there was something that, and something that I left behind
When I leave this world, I'll leave no regrets
Leave something to remember, so they won't forget

(Start lyrics)
I was here
I lived, I loved
I was here
I did, I've done, everything that I wanted
And it was more than I thought it would be
I will leave my mark so everyone will know
I was here

I want to say I lived each day, until I die
And know that I meant something in, somebody's life
The hearts I have touched, will be the proof that I leave
That I made a difference, and this world will see

I was here
I lived, I loved
I was here
I did, I've done, everything that I wanted
And it was more than I thought it would be
I will leave my mark so everyone will know

I was here
I lived, I loved
I was here
I did, I've done, everything that I wanted
And it was more than I thought it would be
I will leave my mark so everyone will know
I was here

I just want them to know
That I gave my all, did my best
Brought someone to happiness
Left this world a little better just because

I was here

I was here
I lived, I loved
I was here
I did, I've done, everything that I wanted
And it was more than I thought it would be
I will leave my mark so everyone will know
I was here
"
(End of lyrics)

At the end of my life, be it short or long, would I have left my mark? Will it be said that I was here, I lived and I loved? What exactly does living a mark means?

Lord teach me to fulfill the path and purpose you have set out for me and May Wale's soul continue to Rest in Peace.

Wednesday, August 15, 2012

Lusting After.....


Shoes- Prada Mary Jane Pumps

Beautiful YSL baby


A Holiday

This Ring

Boudoir Photography

What is on your current lust list?

Friday, August 10, 2012

Who are you?


I value God, Family, Independence, travel, success, money and healthy living. I deeply appreciate friends, laughter, good food, great music and love in my life. I especially value Integrity in myself and others.

Before I die, I want to have made a positive impact in the world for young people and women. As an Entrepreneur, I will use my one life to affect many lives by helping people realize their goals and dreams. In my work and life, I will always tell my truth and make space for others to tell theirs.

In my journey to empower others, I will not neglect my own family, friends, finances, health or spirituality. I will always remember that failure is only failure if you don't learn anything from it and that worrying never solves anything.

I will always put my faith in God and trust him completely to take care of me.

Friday, August 3, 2012

Rebirth.....


Exactly two months ago, there was a Plane crash in Nigeria. The ill-fated Dana crash. I lost a friend/colleague. He was one of the awesome guys I was blessed to know. We always talked about following our dreams and taking risks. We bitched a lot about our paid employment and a few days before the crash, he made a great move towards following his dreams. I was ecstatic for him. We discussed it and then he died.

His death made me realize how badly I want to live my life in the happiest and most fulfilling way to me. I don't want to have any regrets when I look back. So many times, I have spoken about my career and how much I love my job, the traveling, and generally doing what I love. However I am bored. I need more, I want more, I must have more. Hence my decision in the last post.

The future looks so scary but exciting. I have a few gigs lined up, I have more time to focus on Style Rebirth and I get to pursue other passions, one of which is Boudoir Photography. I love Lingerie, and I love photography and I love taking soft glamourous pictures of myself in Lingerie. I think every lady needs to experience it. It made me love and appreciate my imperfect body more.
The entrepreneur and passionate spirit in me, decided to explore it and set up a service for women who are interested. I am yet to kick it off, still have a few more weeks to ensure it sails smoothly but I am so excited. I get to explore my passion further. Also I start a new gig in 3 weeks, totally different from where I am coming from and a higher set of responsibilities *shivers* but I get to work my own hours and shape how the company will turn out.

So many changes are going on in my life, most of which are scary and unexplored territories. I confess, I AM SCARED SHITLESS! I have received so many words of encouragement from my amazing support system- My family and friends and this period of my life reinforces that I have the best people around me. I love the people I call friends and I tend to fall in love in the friendship department very easily. It is a blessing and a curse because I am friends with the 'most awesomest' people in the world but I have been burned by a few others along the way. So the realization that through it all, I have these people who believe so much in me and have helped in so many ways is overwhelming. I am humbled.

With all these going on, I came across a personal transformation challenge I believe I need to do. It's called '31 Days to Reset Your Life: A Practical Guide to Personal Transformation'. Available here
Depending on how much time I have to blog, I will try to update my progress.

I am at this new chapter that still feels oh! so foreign... the 30s are approaching and new dreams are being built. If I survive the next one year, it means I am built for whatever life throws at me.