Wednesday, October 17, 2012

Dance For You- Beyonce


This is one of my favorite Beyonce songs that was released last year. (I still wonder why it never made it to the '4' album)

Anyhoooo (I literally said that aloud in Franklin from My wife and Kids' voice....smh), I wonder how many relationships and marriages this video has saved or spiced up.

LOL

I need dance classes. I have plans of re-enacting this video in December... well maybe just in front of my mirror. That's all I am saying.

Enjoy it.

http://youtu.be/PGc9n6BiWXA

P:s- Who knew coming up with a wedding budget was such a task?
Pp:s- Is there anything in infusing Black as one of the wedding colors?
Ppp:s- I am asking all these for a friend.

Tuesday, September 25, 2012

On Independence and Submission

(A discussion on a forum I had this week inspired this post)

“I do not want to be the leader. I refuse to be the leader. I want to live darkly and richly in my femaleness. I want a man lying over me, always over me. His will, His pleasure, His desire, His life, His work, His sexuality the touchstone, the command, my pivot. I don’t mind working, holding my ground intellectually, artistically; but as a woman, oh, God, as a woman I want to be dominated. I don’t mind being told to stand on my own feet, not to cling, be all that I am capable of doing, but I am going to be pursued, fucked, possessed by the will of a male at His time, His bidding.”

-Anais Nin

As a young girl, I grew up with the knowledge that society looked down on women and as such, if I wanted to be respected, I had to be independent, tough, hold down my own and not give in to anyone's controlling ways. I ended up in a male-dominated career field and I became tougher, had to work extra hard to let my voice be heard. I became a strong, intelligent, focused and determined, courageous, ambitious, and outspoken woman who realised she also had a choice. I could be independent and submissive at the same time. I explored it and I love it.

Someone once said:
It requires a knowledge and understanding of self, am embracing of your compulsions, which might not be acceptable in mainstream society. It requires that you know who you are, what you want, and be willing to go beyond the limits and constraints society places on you.

I know I am a leader, I take charge and I have a commanding presence. Oh how I enjoy the power and control. I am outspoken, and everyone recognizes that and respects it. However, I want to submit to men of equal or greater power. I feel comfortable giving over the power to someone else and taking the secondary, submissive role.

I want to know that somewhere, someone has ultimate control over me, even when I’m at the highest leadership position at work making important decisions, controlling a big work budget, tweeting my free time away, or just generally hanging out with the girls. The control should be his, and everything that I am belongs to him and exists for his use according to his wants and needs. Scary revelation? I don't care. Ephesians 5:22 backs me up.

Now before the feminist movement comes after me, note there is a difference. I am not oppressed, no, I choose to be both Independent and Submissive. I am an intelligent, well-read, well-informed, woman of strength capable of rational thought. I know well enough that men still run the world and women are often our own worst enemies when it comes to power. I get ALL of that.

But I want to be Submissive. I want to ask my man, how can I make you happy? What do you need me to do for you? I want to be the one he relies upon to keep Him happy and his home well-taken care of. I want to give him power over me, a woman of strength, over to someone who equally enjoys being in possession of that power and control. I want a balance to exists between us that will create an intense intimacy generated from the high level of trust we must have for each other.

This I think defines me. This is who I am and I want to be. An independent and submissive woman.


Thursday, September 20, 2012

Multi-Tasking Thursday


Unread BBMs, unanswered phone calls, Unopened emails and texts.... Crazy Thursday

I am being stretched.

Hey babe, my transaction didn't go through, can you call support?
Oh hi, I sent you an email, still waiting for reply.
Why the heck ain't you picking my calls?
Dear Rebirth, Don't forget, 6:30pm meeting tonight, be on time.
Send me credit please, busy and can't do it myself

*voices* *voices* *voices*

Why can't I be the one that needs all the help? I don't want to be the strong and go-to person again.
Wait, I don't know. I love helping people. I wan't to be the go to person. I don't know.

Maybe I am just acting out today because I am tired, sleep-deprived, mentally exhausted, hungry.

Or

Maybe It's because I met a guy, He is crazy about me, he tells me, his friends tell me. He is my Mr Perfect. I like him too....more than I should at this point. I want to push him away. It's too early. I don't want him to like me. I don't want him to give me expectations. I don't want to get hurt. Maybe we should take it slow.

Why is love so complicated?

p-s: If you pray, help say a prayer for my friend. I hate Cancer. I hate Chemo. I love my friend and I love her strength.

Saturday, September 8, 2012

Discipline

They say discipline is the bridge between goals and accomplishments. Explains why I'm yet to accomplish some goals I set for this year.

I was talking to an older friend last week, she brought up the issue of discipline. It hit me. I am very undisciplined. I start things and quit halfway. I set goals and forget about them.

Breakfast today, someone brought up the Cambridge diet. I said oh I want to try, my friend replied, you don't have the discipline. Ouch! People that see me for who I am.

Everyone sees that I lack a form of discipline. I want to prove them wrong.

RealSlim told me that discipline starts with things you can control. Best to sort it out internally before you attempt other things. I want to work on this weakness.

My biggest areas: Money, Fitness and Unfinished business.

I view money on a you only live once scale. What if I die today? I don't want to regret not spending money on myself. However do I really need that $1000 bag? Why not save more? Discipline to save.

After 3 weeks of Insanity, I lose the zeal to wake up an hour earlier than usual to work out. I make excuses. Discipline to keep exercising. Every little helps.

Project XYZ, first month of excitement, to do lists, plans, overall preparation. Lose the motivation and forget about it for another one year. Discipline to finish everything I start.

One step at a time. I need discipline. Started reading the book of Proverbs and seems it keeps emphasizing on Discipline.

Coincidence?

I'm on the quest to reorder my private world so as to ensure the public one is fit to present. It starts with discipline.

In pursuit of a disciplined self.

Monday, August 27, 2012

Flawed


I heard a quote sometime ago. It got me thinking. It said:

"We are flawed because we want so much more"
Is that true?

I feel like I'm limiting myself. I don't know how to explain it. I really need and want this space to feel experimental. I want it to be visual. I want it to tell a tale of my life as it exists at this point in time. Where I’m striving to be raw and vulnerable. How I'm growing, my progress. I want to be able to look back and see how I lived my life.
I should probably write more.

Love! I want the kind of love that soars.

You know Love is the very manifestation of the most High. God loved us first. It's the most audacious act, explains why Jesus died for my sins.

It’s a subject that intrigues me; something I know everything and nothing about. A conundrum that lends itself perfectly to my stream of consciousness. I’m optimistic about it theoretically; but my thoughts on romantic love specifically, and whether it’s in the stars for me, wildly fluctuate. This may or may not have something to do with my propensity to attract people who present their logic as an antithesis to the kind of love I like to believe in. That's in the past now. I hope.

You forget how painful it is…heartbreak. So you can love again. Like childbirth. So I've heard. Explains why my mother had 3. She probably forgot the pain of the first 2. Well I'm glad I'm here.

It’s much easier to believe that the timing is off. That someone just isn’t capable of loving you the way you require generally. It’s considerably more painful to finally realize that they are indeed capable of loving…just not loving YOU. It makes it intensely personal.

And “love” is such a tool. There’s no on-off switch. It crawls inside and camps out. SMH!

There are some moments that bring clarity and reveal the truth about others. I've had a few of those recently. Liberating.

I started a new work gig today. Really high position. I feel small. I guess I deserve it. Years of hardwork finally paying off. Like my pastor said, 'After the fact'.

Sunday, August 19, 2012

I was Here.

Written on Friday- 17th August, 2012

Today was Wale's funeral. My friend that died in a plane crash. He was 33. It was really sad but hopeful at the same time. Sad because he lived a short life, touched a lot of people and has left a big ache. We all miss him. Everyone does. He was an amazing guy.

Hopeful because as Christians, we do not mourn as though we have no hope. God gives and he takes, and there's the promise of resurrection where we will all meet again.

Losing someone especially a friend at such a young age makes one think. What mark do I want to leave on earth.

Beyonce's song comes to mind. 'I was here' Ever studied the lyrics?
I look at my life and I wonder what people will say when I'm gone. Have I made an impact? Will people have positive things to remember me by? What exactly is my God-given purpose on earth? Am I on the path to fulfilling it?


I wanna leave my footprints on the sands of time
Know there was something that, and something that I left behind
When I leave this world, I'll leave no regrets
Leave something to remember, so they won't forget

(Start lyrics)
I was here
I lived, I loved
I was here
I did, I've done, everything that I wanted
And it was more than I thought it would be
I will leave my mark so everyone will know
I was here

I want to say I lived each day, until I die
And know that I meant something in, somebody's life
The hearts I have touched, will be the proof that I leave
That I made a difference, and this world will see

I was here
I lived, I loved
I was here
I did, I've done, everything that I wanted
And it was more than I thought it would be
I will leave my mark so everyone will know

I was here
I lived, I loved
I was here
I did, I've done, everything that I wanted
And it was more than I thought it would be
I will leave my mark so everyone will know
I was here

I just want them to know
That I gave my all, did my best
Brought someone to happiness
Left this world a little better just because

I was here

I was here
I lived, I loved
I was here
I did, I've done, everything that I wanted
And it was more than I thought it would be
I will leave my mark so everyone will know
I was here
"
(End of lyrics)

At the end of my life, be it short or long, would I have left my mark? Will it be said that I was here, I lived and I loved? What exactly does living a mark means?

Lord teach me to fulfill the path and purpose you have set out for me and May Wale's soul continue to Rest in Peace.

Wednesday, August 15, 2012

Lusting After.....


Shoes- Prada Mary Jane Pumps

Beautiful YSL baby


A Holiday

This Ring

Boudoir Photography

What is on your current lust list?

Friday, August 10, 2012

Who are you?


I value God, Family, Independence, travel, success, money and healthy living. I deeply appreciate friends, laughter, good food, great music and love in my life. I especially value Integrity in myself and others.

Before I die, I want to have made a positive impact in the world for young people and women. As an Entrepreneur, I will use my one life to affect many lives by helping people realize their goals and dreams. In my work and life, I will always tell my truth and make space for others to tell theirs.

In my journey to empower others, I will not neglect my own family, friends, finances, health or spirituality. I will always remember that failure is only failure if you don't learn anything from it and that worrying never solves anything.

I will always put my faith in God and trust him completely to take care of me.

Friday, August 3, 2012

Rebirth.....


Exactly two months ago, there was a Plane crash in Nigeria. The ill-fated Dana crash. I lost a friend/colleague. He was one of the awesome guys I was blessed to know. We always talked about following our dreams and taking risks. We bitched a lot about our paid employment and a few days before the crash, he made a great move towards following his dreams. I was ecstatic for him. We discussed it and then he died.

His death made me realize how badly I want to live my life in the happiest and most fulfilling way to me. I don't want to have any regrets when I look back. So many times, I have spoken about my career and how much I love my job, the traveling, and generally doing what I love. However I am bored. I need more, I want more, I must have more. Hence my decision in the last post.

The future looks so scary but exciting. I have a few gigs lined up, I have more time to focus on Style Rebirth and I get to pursue other passions, one of which is Boudoir Photography. I love Lingerie, and I love photography and I love taking soft glamourous pictures of myself in Lingerie. I think every lady needs to experience it. It made me love and appreciate my imperfect body more.
The entrepreneur and passionate spirit in me, decided to explore it and set up a service for women who are interested. I am yet to kick it off, still have a few more weeks to ensure it sails smoothly but I am so excited. I get to explore my passion further. Also I start a new gig in 3 weeks, totally different from where I am coming from and a higher set of responsibilities *shivers* but I get to work my own hours and shape how the company will turn out.

So many changes are going on in my life, most of which are scary and unexplored territories. I confess, I AM SCARED SHITLESS! I have received so many words of encouragement from my amazing support system- My family and friends and this period of my life reinforces that I have the best people around me. I love the people I call friends and I tend to fall in love in the friendship department very easily. It is a blessing and a curse because I am friends with the 'most awesomest' people in the world but I have been burned by a few others along the way. So the realization that through it all, I have these people who believe so much in me and have helped in so many ways is overwhelming. I am humbled.

With all these going on, I came across a personal transformation challenge I believe I need to do. It's called '31 Days to Reset Your Life: A Practical Guide to Personal Transformation'. Available here
Depending on how much time I have to blog, I will try to update my progress.

I am at this new chapter that still feels oh! so foreign... the 30s are approaching and new dreams are being built. If I survive the next one year, it means I am built for whatever life throws at me.


Tuesday, July 24, 2012

Changes

I dropped my resignation letter with HR today. I quit my job. No regrets. I had a great time with the company. I don't know what is next but I have plans. Plans that include taking over the world, one step at a time. Here is to new beginnings!

Thursday, April 12, 2012

Where is home?

"There's always a moment on a trip when you decide you want to go home. Fight it. Because beyond that moment lies the best parts."... Anon
Where is home? I don't know the answers, maybe I will find them as I prepare to tie up my shoelaces and run again...maybe this time, I will find that which I am looking for. I am a journey....my destination I am yet to discover.. I hope this move works out.

Sunday, March 18, 2012

What would you say?



MissJia asked a question earlier this evening on twitter. It read "QOTD to my older tweeters (28ish +): if u could talk to your 18-21 year old self, what advice would you offer...based on what you know now?"

It was thought provoking and after I replied her, I rephrased the question to my friends by extending the age to 18-25yr old self via emails and bbms and it generated a lot of interesting discussions.
One thing was common to us all, we would have made better decisions and choices relationship wise, career and personality if we knew then, what we know now.

If I could go back in time, Here are some major advice I will give my 18-25yr old self.

Dear 18-25 year old girl,

1. Focus on what matters and not care what other people say or think because at the end of the day, it's all about you.

2. Choose your friends wisely, not everyone has your best interest at heart so appreciate your old friends, be wary of new friends with questionable intentions and guard your heart closely.

3. Start saving. No matter what, always save at least 20% of your income. You will understand someday.

4. Under no circumstance should you move across continents for a man, yes it looks promising, yes it looks like fate, but do not do it.

5. When the chips are down, when the skies are gray, when everything looks bleak and you feel like giving up, God, Family and your close friends will always be there to pull you through. You will go through a lot of hard times, don't think about suicide because that period will surely pass and you will come out with an unbelievable strength. No matter what, you will be fine.

What would you tell your 18-25 year old self if you could go back in time?

Saturday, March 3, 2012

Acceptance

(Forgive the typos etc, this post is unedited and I didn't read it over)

Growing up I was never a skinny girl. I've never been. Looking at my family, no one is skinny, and genetically, I'm destined to be thick.
However I've spent the last few years trying so many diets and gimmicks, hopping from one gym to another, all in pursuit of being a slimmer me. So far I have not achieved that purpose. I'm still a UK 14. (US 10)

I don't see myself being a size 6 anytime in this life. It's time to accept me for who and what size I am. No more buying clothes one size smaller to 'encourage' myself to fit into them. A full closet of unworn clothes are a testament to that fact.
Don't get me wrong, I love my self, I love my body. I believe I'm truly beautiful and it helps that I'm constantly being complimented on my good looks. (HumbleBrag)

However, society has pressurized me into thinking I've to be a certain size to be acceptable. I see girls all around me doing extreme diets, from mastercleanse to atkins to fluid only, just to shed those pounds and I begin to wonder, why can't I do these things? It's hard, I've attempted so many of those, and what happens. I lose max 10lbs, then it creeps back up.

I love food, I love cooking and I love eating. I don't see myself passing over so many good food in the world. Don't get me wrong, I'm a believer in healthy eating. I'm not a junk food eater. I love home cooked meals with a glass of wine. My occasional dessert treats with my girls can't be missed. See why I can't be on a veggies only diet?

On the plus side (no pun intended), I love exercising. From Spinning, to body pump, to jogging, call me I will be there. I make sure I get in 3 days a week. So I'm not an exercise hater.

So yea I am comfortable and happy with my body but when days I get 'playful' comments like "you have such a pretty face, you will be so much prettier if you lose a little weight"
Yea they are tiring and make me think for a second how I may have body issues.

I got up from bed this morning after a 2hr night sleep with the realization that I may not be a size 6, or an 8 but I do love my body, I feed it right, I exercise and I don't deprive myself of food. Some may say I'm fat, thick, plus size, whatever, but I am comfortable in my skin. If the pounds drop by my healthy lifestyle, fine, if they don't, fine. I will still love and accept myself.

No more buying clothes sizes smaller in the hope of fitting into them. I'm going to go straight to my closet right now and take out all the undersized clothes I'm probably never gonna fit into anytime soon. Time to clean out my closet and buy things that flatter my apple shaped body.

Embracing my body and myself.

P:s Happy New year, hope the year has been good to everyone. Sorry for the long silence. Life's storm got in the way. I didn't drown, I'm a survivor.