Sunday, October 23, 2011

Epiphany

The last two weeks have been pretty difficult. I tried to keep up appearances in every aspect but I was secretly hurting, frustrated, stressed and generally fed up of being a young independent single lady. I say independent because I pay all my bills, rent, living expenses etc alone, cater to some of my family needs, try to prove in my male-dominated work environment that I am as capable as the next guy, and so many other things. Through all of this, I had a mini breakdown last week, and I rarely share such personal challenges with my family and friends, because they have this warped idea that I am strong and need no help. I eventually talked to my parents and brothers just to get their insight, and as usual my friend who has been my great brother to me in the last few years.

I casually joked that if I was married now, things won’t be this bad, at least I’ll live rent-free and also will not be frustrated with work because he will be there to listen to my rant. My friend, who has been married for a year now laughed and said, well you have a point. When you are married, there is that amazing support that comes with being with the right person. Make sure it exists before you settle down. This reminded me that after all, I had a similar breakdown over a year ago and even though I was in a relationship then, I did not get any emotional support or care from the then boyfriend. It was a disastrous relationship and I am still trying to forgive myself for getting into it.

In reality, I will always be this driven, passionate, but sort of undisciplined mess of a person. I will always struggle and work hard for things. I will have moments of triumphs, successes and failures and the list of things I need to do or change will get longer every day! Also I’m still trying to figure it all out, one minute I want to quit my job and follow my dreams, next minute I want to stay. I have a long way to go and having a boyfriend won’t change any of that. I used to have this notion that a boyfriend would validate me and make me better but I looked back at my last two relationships and realized they didn’t make me any finer, smarter, cooler, or nicer. They didn’t give me that support I think it’s required for companionship.

I know sometimes we have to wait for someone who “gets us”, but that doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with who we are. As someone once told me, A diamond is beautiful and precious long before it is discovered. I have realized that as much as I eventually want that love and companionship, I don’t need it to complete me because I can do bad all by myself (h/t Tyler Perry). This means there’s a good chance I can always handle whatever life brings my way alone and when the time is right and I find that someone that “gets me”, we will be perfect for each other.

Wednesday, October 19, 2011

Happiness Musings.........

I look back at the years gone by, people i have met, relationships i have been in, jobs i have worked at, places i have been to and i realise that everything has a lifespan.......no matter how intact it seems now, it is up to me and life to decide if it's gonna be a short or a long one.

Have you ever had some moments that you wish could last for a lifetime? (words to Nicki Minaj). You know the i wish i could freeze this feeling, day and moment forever? I have had and right now i wish there was a way i could have frozen it because i need one of those moments right now.
I once read a post on CurvyGirlChronicles (awesome blog by the way, you guys should check it out) on the 3 tiers of Glee. I really want to always be at the highest level of happiness. In CG's words:
"I submit to you, that the top of the pyramid, the highest level of happiness, is suprasituational happiness, that is, the ability to be okay, even when everything works against your plans. And there, you have it. True happiness is to survive with dignity and grace the worst times of your life."

I know i have had such moments before and those are the kinds i really want to freeze. Question is how can i maintain it? Is it possible to be like that every single day? I am currently floating, i'm not unhappy but not as happy as i want. I feel there is something missing. I am looking for something, some sort of Inner peace. Maybe going back to Church will fix it? Maybe relocating yet again? I don't know. There is just something missing. I need to find it

In other news, I am in love with Beyonce's Countdown video. I watch it at least 5 times everyday on youtube. I made a dance routine for it over the weekend. It's a happy song that makes me think of maybe opening my heart for a split second...... hmmmn nah! i will pass


So back to being happy, i know i mentioned in the first paragraph that it's up to me to decide if it will be a short or long one, but life often gets in the way. Question to you guys, how do you maintain those euphoric moments?


Tuesday, October 11, 2011

Living.........

I have not been living. Yea i wake up, go to work, run my business, talk to family and friends but i never do anything personally exciting or spend time with myself that wasn't work or business related.

Last week was hectic, i almost quit and it took the realization of a mild nervous breakdown and my friend Akin to remind me that life is too short for me not to do things i like.

I decided to kick start my new 'Living Project' by taking a weekend trip to Cape Coast. It was amazing. I want to explore the world, not just the famous cities but beautiful places that can put a smile on my face, so when i take my last breath, i can truly say i lived a happy life

These pictures were taken on one of the cape coast beaches and the famous Elmina slave castle.... Enjoy













I urge you guys to do something you have always wanted to do, write a bucket list and tick them off one by one. I am writing mine currently and i hope i can tick them all off before i die....and if i do die before i do, i may at least have managed to live a little

P.s- The Pictures were taken directly from a phone...The HTC desire... the camera quality is so awesome.

Ps.s - Template still working out?


Friday, October 7, 2011

....To Steve Jobs





"Sometimes life hits you in the head with a brick. Don't lose faith. I'm convinced that the only thing that kept me going was that I loved what I did. You've got to find what you love. And that is as true for your work as it is for your lovers. Your work is going to fill a large part of your life, and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work. And the only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven't found it yet, keep looking. Don't settle. As with all matters of the heart, you'll know when you find it. And, like any great relationship, it just gets better and better as the years roll on. So keep looking until you find it. Don't settle"....... Steve Jobs R.I.P


I mourn Steve Jobs. I picked up so much from just reading about him and watching his clips on YouTube, articles, speeches etc. I remember when i was at a hard stage in life. I came across the above quote and it kept me going. The world has lost a little of its greatness(word to Forbes) , but he will be remembered for his innovation, creativity and smartness. Never to be forgotten. I can boldly say to my kids and grand-kids, i was alive when Steve Jobs was alive and he taught us all a few lessons in Entrepreneurship. Rest in Peace great man.

I hope i can inspire a few people in my own way and be remembered with great fondness.

Have a great weekend

P:s- I messed up the original blog template and can't seem to get it back so decided to experiment with something else, let me know if you guys can read the blog without any issues..... summary: yay or nay?

Tuesday, October 4, 2011

Still here.......

I miss you guys here. I am still alive, sorry i've been off. It's been so hectic and crazy lately and my life is still as dramatic so fret not, more updates coming soon.

I have been a bad friend. You know how i always had issues with friends and had to cut some off so i could stop whining like i had no control over my life? well, i was the bad friend in this case. I am still on a time-out with the 2 friends i messed the relationship with. Maybe i will be forgiven, maybe not. I am dealing with the consequences of my actions.

Two different aituation but same outcome, I messed up pretty bad all within last weekend. I can't overstate how sorry i am but they don't read my blog so no point grovelling here again.

Anyway, just wanted to check on you guys and tell you 2 things. One: Don't take your friends for granted and be there when they need you, even if they don't show it. Two: Be slow to anger and never assume or jump to conclusions.


(source: http://etiquetteforalady.tumblr.com)

Love you all........