Wednesday, August 3, 2011

Day 28........... That one person

Yesterday I was in a fix, I needed help. I had to complete a financial transaction before noon else I would be denied some access. I had the money, problem was I was far away. I thought about who to call, I went through my contact list. No I wasn’t going to call my friend Akin, he was ALWAYS helping me out without any complaint, in the last 3 weeks, he had made enough sacrifices for me, you would think he was the business owner. I didn’t have a choice, I called him but he didn’t pick…damn work meetings. The other person that popped into my mind, No I couldn’t bear to ask for his favour, we don’t talk again. Truth be told, I had no other person to ask after those two. People say I am proud, I would rather starve than ask for help, talk less of anything money-related. I can help or give people freely but I don’t know how to ask from others. Maybe experience taught me a bitter lesson. A few years ago, when I was going through a tough time, I need $100, to simply buy groceries before my cheque cleared the next day. I asked a friend I thought we were really cool. It turned into an insulting and embarrassing situation. Ever since I vowed to always help people, but never ask for financial help from anyone. This is bad! Real bad!

The other few friends that I maybe felt comfortable asking to help or would have considered out of desperation lived out of the country.. Since I moved back, I have learnt to rely on no one. Lagos is filled with people who take take take but the only thing they give back are excuses. We may talk, hang out but I will not ask you for a favor unless you volunteer…..being disappointed so many times taught me the hard way.
Even though it involved a mere 10,000naira (less than $90) and I was going to pay back as soon as I can find a way to send the money from here which will surely be latest the next day, it shouldn’t be a problem to ask right any of these people right? Hmmmn No.

Akin was still busy, I had not even talked to him and time was going, He wasn’t reading his BBMs or picking his call. I decided to call the other person. I was desperate but deep down I knew that despite all we had been through, if I was in a fix, he is one of the two people besides my family that will drop everything he was doing and help me. I was so sure of that. Even though we don’t talk, that conviction never changed. It’s not because of what we had in the past, or the fact that we used to date, afterall he wasn’t the only person I’ve dated, but I think it’s because of the way we defined our friendship and we created a bond that even if I hate him and he hates me, we will temporarily put aside those feelings and help each other in any way possible. I like when I feel comfortable like that. I have the same thing with my married friend Akin, even though the only physical thing we have shared in our over 6yrs of friendship is a hug, but he’s been there for me in many ways more than one. I wish I could have more friends like these, who I was 101% sure will come through for me. Who I don’t have to wish they could at least ask me how my plans are coming along once in a while without me saying anything. I have noticed that most times before I say anything to my friends, I hesitate and weigh it twice, well not with those two. Ok I digress.

I made that desperate call, no emotions, I said I needed help. He asked for details and told me he will get it done. No how are yous or let’s catch up?. I said thank you and we hung up. It lasted 32secs.

I let myself think about him after that call and I started laughing hard. It was the first time in many months that I thought about me, him, us, the past and now the future. I liked the way things were now. I genuinely forgave him and I realized at that every moment that I had completely let go. It was over. No feelings, no hurt, things were back to normal.

We may not talk again for 6 months or one year , who knows but that’s how best it works for us. Minimal communication. I know that 10yrs, 50yrs, 100yrs from now, he will always be someone I can ask for help. We all have that one person who is not involved in our lives but we are sure they will always come to our rescue when the need arises. We pass them on the street, no stopping to chit chat, just a smile as a hint of recognition but when we are arrested the next day and need bailing out; it’s their number we give out without a second thought because we know they will never give an excuse not to help.

Am I the only one that has a weird situation like this? What does this imply?


  1. Yes..ya a werido!!!!!! lol i you arent..I have a few of those...:D

  2. I feel you 100% on the asking for help bit. I was in a crappy/desperate situ a few years back and I believe it was that year that I created a clear cut distinction between my friends and acquaintances. Till today I'll hang out and relate closely with people and all, but I never get it twisted:D

    Like you, because of my past experiences I feel strongly about helping people but unlike you I still cant say that I have anyone that I'd ask for financial help without hesitation(other than my nuclear family that is)

  3. I don't think I have anyone like that except family, people can be funny when it comes to giving help, even if it's just their time. Money is on another level altogether.

  4. lolll.. i feel u on that tho as in asking for help. I am just like that - when it comes to money issues, apart from my mother and my hubbie, there is no one on this planet that i can honestly ask. And thank God i havent been in that situation in a very long ass time.

    People are very funny - but i like the relationship you have with guy #2, shows there are still some good people out there and even tho yall once had issues, yall cn still put ur issues aside when one of yall need help. Thats kinda cut tho.

    'Cious :-D

  5. Wow! I can totally relate with this post!
    I honestly don't know how to ask for help either...but I have some key people in my life that will bend over backwards for me and I will do the same for them.


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