Friday, July 29, 2011
Day 23...... Mimosa
A friend sent me a message "You have changed towards me. I can't pinpoint it but things are different, i thought we worked things out". I smiled and responded, things are fine. I didn't change on purpose. That's the kind of person i am. Just like a snail coils back into its shell or like a Mimosa pudica folds its leaves when touched or exposed to heat, i recoil into my shell when i feel exposed and betrayed.
In my life, all the people i have cut off have one thing in common, they hurt me from backstabbing. I can take people insulting me to my face, being mean to me, disrespecting me, and yet i will not cut you off but if i find out that as my close friend, you went behind my back and talked about me and exposed my vulnerability, i don't think about it twice, i cut you off. A while ago, a guy was hurting me badly, he wasn't my boyfriend but he did a lot of things to hurt me, yet i didn't cut him off. My friends thought i was crazy for still talking to him, i shrugged them off. The minute i found out that he went to tell some random girl things about me i told him in confidence just to score points, i poured him away like a bowl of used water. (ok that line makes more sense in Yoruba). I cut him off without looking back, i was amazed at how it didn't bother me when i stopped talking to him. That's just me
This friend that sent me that message, i thought she was a close friend and maybe if it had been a more realistic issue, i would not have "changed" towards her, but someone that does not think twice about the effects of her action, and goes ahead to hurt me by being disloyal does not deserve a second chance in my books. I thought i was over this issue but it reminded me of how everyone involved hurt me, some minor.
I told her my mind, cut her off forgave her and just so it doesn't make me petty, i started talking casually to her again but things can never be the same. Also, If you say you are my friend, i expect you to stand up for me firmly and say c'mon Don't talk about her, that's my home-girl, maybe because i would do the same.
I may forgive and take back a cheating boyfriend, become best friends again with a jealous friend, make peace with a horrible boss or love an annoying family member but if i think we are close friends and i find out you go about telling people all i've told you in confidence or things you know due to the access i granted you, and you know it's not for any good, you have just touched my leaves or shell and once i close up, i can never open up to you again. That is the way i am, i have accepted that i don't give second chances in such situations and i am not trying to change me.
As one of my favourite Nigerian personalities Funmi Iyanda tweeted on her 40th birthday a few days ago "A wise woman edits her wardrobe, friends, commitments and relationships as she ages to the most flaterring, beloved and supportive".
I have accepted that one of my friendship boundaries is zero tolerance for back-stabbers.