Friday, July 15, 2011

Day 11...... Friend-Zone



Last night or should i say early this morning seeing as it was like 2am my time, i went on twitter and noticed that the dominant conversation on the timeline was about friend zones and it made me laugh....
Shortly after that, my friend buzzed me and we got talking about what it was and i had to explain to him what i thought it meant using VSB's definition from their book "Your degrees won't keep you warm at night" (a really truthful and funny read by the way)
According to the book, A woman who places guys there gets the perk of a relationship:(friendship, companionship etc) without giving what the man really wants: sex. A guy who places women there gets the benefit of a rship (sex, companionship) without ever giving the woman what she really wants (a long term commitment and strong emotional connection.

Basically, the zoner isn't giving the friend what the friend truly desires while simultaneously getting exactly what they need from d friend at that point.

This got me thinking about how many guys may have put me in the friend zone without me realising, i am not sure i have been obviously friend zoned. If i notice i like a guy and it's not mutual, i move on, and keep it as platonic friends. I have no expectations and i want nothing more. Lately i see girls clamouring to change men, thinking they will move them from the friend zone to the relationship zone if they acted perfect. Excuse me for a minute while i L.O.L. You can't get a guy to change your status. Of course he wants to smash you, but once he mentally places you in a friend zone, that doesn't mean he won't keep smashing. Why pay for the cow when the milk is free?

Personally i have placed some guys in the friend zone, i am not proud of it, but when i am not attracted to you but you keep being nice to me, i won't reject your gestures. This reminds me of a guy that liked me so much and used to literally be at my beck and call. Sadly i didn't feel anything for him, and maybe i was too selfish to tell him to back off but i sure did enjoy the dinners, the gifts, the movies, the errands....He was such a nice guy. (note to self: start being attracted to nice guys). In that same vein, i also had to friend-zone a guy because i knew he wasn't good for me. Wanting more even though he was willing to give was going to hurt me more in the long run, you know those kind of relationships you know from get go you can't handle.

Being friend-zoned did not start today, In the bible, i bet Jacob friend-zoned Leah when he realised his father in law tricked him, sure he had sex with her, they had kids but he worked 7 yrs more just to get Rachel but he probably was not giving Leah the full emotional commitment she wanted.
It also will not end anytime soon, what's best is to always explain to the other person where they stand and if they still choose to hang on then it really isn't your fault they want to be friend-zoned.

2 comments:

  1. Interesting analysis (definition) for friend-zone.

    ReplyDelete
  2. you had me at the Jacod, leah, Rachel Triangle, i am sure you are right
    the friendzone!!!
    ive been in it, ive put people there!

    ReplyDelete

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