Tuesday, July 5, 2011

30 Day Challenge........Day 1......Boundaries




I was right in the middle of my Yoga DVD last night when my blackberry buzzed....it was Shona Vixen asking if i wanted to join her in the 30 day challenge, (well i like to think she didn't ask, she probably had a gun to the chat window commanding me to.....see i was helpless)...
So here we are, or rather here i am joining Kookie, Vimbai and a few other bloggers in this challenge.

The goal is to put up a post every day for 30 days..... I am excited as i have been slacking on my writing, both on the blog and personally and what better way to get back into it...hopefully by day 30, i would not have run out of things to say.
Let's get into it.....

*passes popcorn and sweet tea round to all readers*



Boundaries! Boundaries!! Boundaries!!!

A wise lady once said:
“At some point, you have to make a decision. Boundaries don't keep other people out. They fence you in. Life is messy. That's how we're made. So, you can waste your lives drawing lines. Or you can live your life crossing them. But there are some lines... that are way too dangerous to cross.”


That sounded wise right? actually Meredith said it in an episode of Grey's Anatomy, which was probably written by a smart script writer so yes, a wise person once said it.

How do we define boundaries and when do we get to the point that we can say we are doing the most? Some people have so many boundaries that to you may not make sense but their experiences have taught them better. I am one of those.

Some years ago, i was this naive girl who believed everyone had good intentions, let everyone in and lived an open life. What was mine was yours, i had a big heart and i really didn't care if people gossiped or in the words of the picture on Kook's blog, 'networked' about me. I am still that girl, BUT i have managed to create a boundary around my life and myself that what you see is not necessarily what you get
Some say i take it too far sometimes, others say i am too nice....all in all i can't please everyone.

I will share with you 3 of my NON-NEGOTIABLE boundaries

1. Once you break my trust and loyalty, we can never be friends again. We will be acquaintances, sure but friends, NO.... I take friendship very serious and i can not handle been friends with someone i know hurt me before. I recently "broke off" a female friendship. We still talk, but as acquaintances and that's because she totally blew my trust and in primary school english, stabbed me in the back. I have forgiven but we can't have my own definition of friendship again. I believe in second chances but not at a risk of my vulnerability

2. I will not be afraid to say NO to a request that makes me feel really unhappy or uncomfortable.... Life is too short to live on other people's terms and also too long to be unhappy and miserable....

3. I will be my own woman, and not bend backwards to be what someone else wants me to be. This sometimes edges me to shift the line because sometimes i make decisions that i know makes me true to myself but causes some growing pains. I am an emotional person and i always forge a strong sense of attachment to people. Sometimes, the society points out that maybe sometimes i need to pretend and not show that side of me, after all i am meant to be a modern day strong Miss Independent. However i always want to stay true to who i am and you either love me or hate me...

What are some of your non-negotiable boundaries? Do share.......

....Rebirth....a.k.a If-you-cross-my-boundaries-imma-flick-you-like-a-fly

8 comments:

  1. So THIS post right here is on point! Boundaries are part and parcel of the catch 22's of life. You eventually have to learn when to put them up, keep them down and how long for if at all. Its a lesson that's very case by case in its nature. Not everyone will stab you in the back but there are some people out there just waiting for you to turn your back so they can get you right between the shoulder blades.

    Me? My boundaries with friendship's are similar to yours. In relationships is where I need to learn to treat each new person with just enough to let them enough but not enough to make them comfortable. With work, I learned the hard way. Its a competitive world out there so boundaries are well and truly up till the person proves themselves to be consistently trustworthy and even Im not completely pulling up the barricades. I might make sure that the gates are open but the burglar bars remain.

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  2. I need to set boundaries....new ones! My lines have become blurred

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  3. First offm this your new background is driving me crazy, i cant read the word well, i had to highlight the entire page to read.

    Loving your thoughts on boundaries, i couldnt agree more, btw i hopped on the 30day challenge thing to, i think there are specific topics to write on, so you cont run out of ideas.

    i really need to set boundaries, i just realized i have none, no wonder things are just going haywire

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  4. I so agree with all of your boundaries!! I need to stick to mine :)

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  5. @ Kookie: Relationship boundaries.....a whole other story....i need to firm up those....burglar bars...i like those

    @ Lohi: Set them girl, makes life really awesome for you

    @ Laurenta:about the background, ....iLove it :)will make it brighter tho Goodluck on the 30day challenge and boundaries...a MUST HAVE

    @shonavixen: :)

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  6. Boundaries........ We all should have a few.

    Loved the bit about loosing my trust and remaining friends which reminds me of forgiving and forgetting and also me being a fool if I let u hurt me twice.

    Nice piece!

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  7. Great post...Wish I heard about this earlier I probably would have joined! Having said that...I have attached my self to this challlenge from now(starting tomorrow :D)...
    Okay back to the post...Boundaries...I am a playful person and I recently noticed that I'm being disrespected by some peops because of this...So I've decided to draw boundaries and go formal on this set of peops...the other option is to do damage by battering at least one person's face...Since this will be classed as "unchristianly", "unladylike" and most of all assault,I need to draw boundaries!
    Oh another thing is lies...Once you lie to me as a friend...that's it...I can't trust you again!

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  8. this post has really made me put things in perspective. i realised i really dont have boundaries.that;s why ppl who shouldnt hurt me do. I also recently broke off a female friendship.she did what no good friend should ever do, use your weakness against you. it wasnt the 1st,2nd,or 5th time, but i had had enough.
    i believe completely in forgiveness and have forgiven her, but i definitely am not putting myself in that position again.thanks for your posts, they're really encouraging.

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