Sunday, July 31, 2011

Day 25................ Love is

A while ago, Kookie raised a question on her post asking "If the DJ had to play you a love song what would yours be?"

I couldn't answer then because i had no idea but the last few weeks, i have been listening to R.Kelly's Love letter album all over again. Yea that's where the song from yesterday's post came from and i must say, if the DJ had to play me a love song, i would go for R.Kelly's Love is feat K.Michelle. I really love the song and in line with my post yesterday, i think this will make a good first dance song.

Ooh yeah, oh baby

Said I'm feeling pretty good right now, babe, ooh boy Good about our loving darling, listen.

Like the world goes around every day, baby That is how you spin me Might as well call me a telegram, baby 'Cause darling, that's just how you send me, yeah
I might as well take me a pen and sign a waiver To be yours for the rest of my life, oh baby You rescued me from heartache just like a savior Now being in your arms is my paradise

Listen baby Ain't no love like your love, ain't no kiss like your kiss Felt a whole lot of things but nothing's ever felt like this You a genie to me, babe, the way you grant my wish And tonight we're gonna let the world hear it
This is how our love is You and me forever, baby, sing it, darling Oh, this is how our love is Can't nobody come between it, nah, babe

Listen honey Ain't no doubt what we got, baby, is one of a kind We're in the hall of fame as the greatest love of all time So many said that this love wouldn't last too long But we got the victory, darling and proved them all wrong
Just like the sun comes in and chased away the rain, oh girl See I love you, boy, 'cause you take away my pain And it don't matter where you are, just call me, baby 'Cause I'd run a million miles just to get to you, baby

Listen honey, now Ain't no love like your love ain't no kiss like your kiss Felt a whole lot of things but nothing's ever felt like this You a genie to me, babe, the way you grant my wish And tonight we're gonna let the world hear it

This is how our love is You and me forever, baby, sing it to me, darling Girl, this is how our love is Ain't nobody come between us, babe
Now let me tell you how I feel See our love is like an antidote and we deliver Whole wide world with it, darling, preach to me
This love is like the people's hope Something outta heaven, baby, 'cause it's gotta colon Oh girl, when we're touching, ooh, when we're feeling It's crazy like walking on the ceiling

This is how our love is, baby, you and me You and me sing it to me, girl Oh, this is how our love is, baby And can't nobody come between us, baby
This is how our love is, rain, sleet or snow Oh baby, I want the whole wide world to know This is how our love is, forever and a day, hey It will always be this way
This is how our love is, take it or leave it You and me together, take it or leave it This is how our love is, take it or leave it Take it or leave it, this is how our love is

Right now, i am not looking for love, well if it finds me, good. I am actually running away from it. I'm trying to enjoy being by myself, learning to control my emotions because history has me down as the person who never takes things slow so it's time to change history. When i get to that hopeful looking for love stage, we gonna ask the DJ to play Love is....

Saturday, July 30, 2011

Day 24....... Weddings

I am not a really girly girl. Probably because i am the only girl in the family, with two brothers. My mum and I were the only women in the house so i was more of a tom boy. It wasn't till my second year of University that i started wearing heels. I heard that one of the requirements of being a girly girl is to have a wedding book. One of my friends kept one since high school, she planned how everything was going to be, cut pictures of wedding dresses etc. She's married now and she stuck to the contents.

Recently i have been thinking about weddings, I rarely go to weddings. If we are not very close, i see no point. In the last 3 years, i have been invited to so many but only gone for 4.(i was on the bridal train in 2). Watching Prince William and Kate's wedding a few months ago made me think of what type of wedding i wanted. I have no say in the Traditional wedding, i won't even bother because i know my mother so she can control that. For the white wedding, i don't have a type of dress, or colors or those girly details, all i know is i want it to be on a weekday, weeks after the traditional one and i want a maximum of 150 guests. Either local or destination wedding. My husband and I must know the guests. I am a fan of quiet ceremonies. All these may change depending on the type of man i marry but i pray he agrees with me.

However, one thing i hope will happen is walking down the aisle in Church to meet my husband-to-be to R.Kelly's When a Woman loves. I have never felt so strongly about any song like i do to this song. It depicts the way i want to love him and i pray that when that time comes, i end up with a man that i love this way and who knows the extent of love i have for him.

When a woman loves
She, she loves for real
When a woman loves
She, she, she loves for real
She took me back
After I broke her heart
About a thousand times
She gave her life to me
With no regrets, she followed me
And she, and she, the girl she raised me
And I'm forever indebted, I'm forever indebted, I'm forever indebted to her cause
When a woman loves
She, she, she loves for real
When a woman loves
She, she, she loves for real
She filled my soul
With the very touch of her hand
She really did
And she’s got more, more faith in me than a beach got sand
And I like to tell ha, I like to tell ha, that I’m forever indebted,, that I’m forever indebted, forever indebted
Cause when a woman loves
She, she, she loves for real
Yea, yea
See a woman loves
It would never die young
Even when I’m dead and gone, I’m gonna love her from the sky

Cause she’s given me something that no other woman has given me
When I think about you girl it makes me think
When, when, when, when a woman
When a
She loves for real (oh)
When a woman loves, loves, loves
I’m tellin you when she loves
She, she loves for real
Yea, yea, yea

Friday, July 29, 2011

Day 23...... Mimosa

A friend sent me a message "You have changed towards me. I can't pinpoint it but things are different, i thought we worked things out". I smiled and responded, things are fine. I didn't change on purpose. That's the kind of person i am. Just like a snail coils back into its shell or like a Mimosa pudica folds its leaves when touched or exposed to heat, i recoil into my shell when i feel exposed and betrayed.

In my life, all the people i have cut off have one thing in common, they hurt me from backstabbing. I can take people insulting me to my face, being mean to me, disrespecting me, and yet i will not cut you off but if i find out that as my close friend, you went behind my back and talked about me and exposed my vulnerability, i don't think about it twice, i cut you off. A while ago, a guy was hurting me badly, he wasn't my boyfriend but he did a lot of things to hurt me, yet i didn't cut him off. My friends thought i was crazy for still talking to him, i shrugged them off. The minute i found out that he went to tell some random girl things about me i told him in confidence just to score points, i poured him away like a bowl of used water. (ok that line makes more sense in Yoruba). I cut him off without looking back, i was amazed at how it didn't bother me when i stopped talking to him. That's just me

This friend that sent me that message, i thought she was a close friend and maybe if it had been a more realistic issue, i would not have "changed" towards her, but someone that does not think twice about the effects of her action, and goes ahead to hurt me by being disloyal does not deserve a second chance in my books. I thought i was over this issue but it reminded me of how everyone involved hurt me, some minor.
I told her my mind, cut her off forgave her and just so it doesn't make me petty, i started talking casually to her again but things can never be the same. Also, If you say you are my friend, i expect you to stand up for me firmly and say c'mon Don't talk about her, that's my home-girl, maybe because i would do the same.

I may forgive and take back a cheating boyfriend, become best friends again with a jealous friend, make peace with a horrible boss or love an annoying family member but if i think we are close friends and i find out you go about telling people all i've told you in confidence or things you know due to the access i granted you, and you know it's not for any good, you have just touched my leaves or shell and once i close up, i can never open up to you again. That is the way i am, i have accepted that i don't give second chances in such situations and i am not trying to change me.

As one of my favourite Nigerian personalities Funmi Iyanda tweeted on her 40th birthday a few days ago "A wise woman edits her wardrobe, friends, commitments and relationships as she ages to the most flaterring, beloved and supportive".
I have accepted that one of my friendship boundaries is zero tolerance for back-stabbers.

Thursday, July 28, 2011

Day 22......... Reset

I had to leave work midday yesterday. I felt really weak and dizzy and my PM (God bless his heart) told me to go home and he gave me an extension on my almost due deliverable. I got home, made some indomie noodles, and popped two tabs of Ibuprofen PM. While waiting for that great drowsy feeling that occurs shortly before one starts to doze off from the effect of sleeping pills, (gosh i love that moment and contrary to what some of my friends think, i am not a sleeping-pill addict, i just happen to have 6 different types in my cabinet) I decided to continue watching some episodes of 90210 from where i stopped last night to pass away time. I switched on the DVD and it started playing but the TV wasn't showing. I tried everything for the next 10 minutes and i was already getting frustrated. Nothing was wrong with the TV when i left home in the morning, maybe the housekeeper tampered with it. I was about to call the building manager when i decided to try switching off all the devices from the main source as my flatmate and I always hibernate the TV, cable and all other gadgets.

I turned the main switch off, waited a few minutes and turned it back on. Voila! everything started working perfectly. In my semi-drowsy state, i realised that this was similar to some situations in my life. When some things become chaotic and are not going as planned, my first instinct is to troubleshoot and keep doing the same thing over and over again, hoping it will fix itself, Sometimes i am tempted to call friends to have them solve these problems when all i have to do is take a minute to press that RESET button.

Pressing my RESET button may mean stepping away from the situation to look at it from another perspective. It could be not running to my friends for advice immediately. Resetting may entail ceasing to worry, or getting rid of that thing/person/issue that may be dragging you back or most importantly, taking it to God in prayer.

Whatever Resetting means to you, remember that sometimes in life, maybe we just have to hit the reset button to cross that hurdle.

Monday, July 25, 2011

Day 20........... This time i want it all

"The nostalgia of the past and the anticipation for the future should not be allowed to hold the now hostage. Learn from the events of the past, enjoy the now but keep your eyes skinned, watching for the exit signs to tomorrow!!"

I want someone to completely shake my world.
I want to see things how I have never seen them before.
I want to be surprised and impressed.
I want that unconditional conversation and time.
I want a firm friendship on a solid foundation.

Everything is so up in the air at this point in time. Pieces of me that have been all over the place are finally rounding up. I am slowly getting home. I am so open and so ready for what God has for my life. I am letting Him fill me up because I have been drained the past months till I was completely dry. I have been giving and giving and it's time to be filled to the brim and even overflowing with His love. His unconditional and never ending love. I am ready

This time i want it all

Sunday, July 24, 2011

Day 19....... Pet Peeves

Before we get into it, i will like to apologise for not putting up a post yesterday. I had a bad day and i just wanted to get through the day. I avoided writing because i was running away from the problem so i distracted myself by tweeting and engaging in virtual conversations. Anyway i am much better now so i'm back.

Pet Peeves. Oh lawd i have a lot of them. According to Wikipedia, a pet peeve is a minor annoyance that an individual identifies as particularly annoying to him or her, to a greater degree than others may find it. Let me share 6 of my pet peeves

1. People who write the first letter of my name in lower case. It is a noun. I am sure we all learnt in primary school that a noun is a name of a person, place, animal or thing and the first letter should always be written in upper case. I have been rude in emails many times to such offenders. *evil grin*

2. Friends who read my blackberry messages and go for long without responding, especially when we are right in the middle of a conversation. If you know you can't respond at that point, then don't read.

3. Grammatical and written errors, cutesy intentional misspellings. note not TYPOS: I judge people who use 'am' instead of I'am, or who write kk/kkk for OK. There for their, Loose for Lose....the list is endless. Also people who don't know when to use Plurals, or the right adjectives, those that use silly abbreviations, like some guy wrote dycdded for decided to my friend, or physcic for psychic and i remember when a guy sent a message with "so i will be cing you". I had to ask him what 'cing' meant. True story. I make no apologies, i will judge your ass, especially when you start feeling like it's perfectly acceptable. Maybe it's due to the fact that when i was growing up, my mum was an English teacher and she was strict on our grammar... #shrug. P.s- why will u replace my with ma......I just can't deal!!!!

4. People who never keep to their words: If you say you will call me in an hour, let it be an hour and not the next day. Sending a text that you won't be able to do so will be acceptable. My ex was guilty of this. I think it was one of the few things that used to get me mad. I like reliability and if you tell me you will do something at a particular time, let it be so. Exceptions are if there are circumstances beyond your control. Not when i ask why you didn't call back or have not done that thing and you just shrug. Nah, no room for such tomfoolery.

5. People that touch my computer screen. I hate fingerprints on my screen. I have been seen to shout at people who do it especially at work. Must you touch my screen to make a point? Same as tapping me to make a point when i am right in front of you

6. People who use slangs wrongly. e.g. The southern slang Finna. I have seen so many people misuse it on twitter and it irks me. It means going to so why will you write, I finna saw you yesterday..... WOW! Just wow!

What are your pet peeves? Do share........

In other news, what is going on in the world? The Norway massacre, over 90 people killed, then news of Amy Winehouse's death, and i read early this morning that a shooter in Texas killed over 9 people. I better hibernate in my little bubble and shut out all these news and information for a while to preserve my sanity temporarily. It is well with us all...

R.I.P Amy. You were a very talented singer and your lyrics changed me a lot.

Hsve a good day guys....

Friday, July 22, 2011

Day 18........ To Friends

I was reading a post from @MaxFab about old friends this week and it struck a chord and inspired this vulnerability.

The past few weeks have been so overwhelming, I am doing a million and one things at a time, most of my dreams are being actualised. I have received phone calls, emails, tweets, bbms from well-wishers who keep saying they are proud of what I am doing right now, and words in that line. I am grateful but I can’t just help but also think that suddenly I am surrounded by this new amazing set of people I like a lot and who also really like me, who talk to me, who support me, and help me even in dire situations. There is just one thing; this group is pretty new. They don’t know who I used to be. My past and experiences that shaped me into this person I am now. They were not there a few years ago when I was sitting in that one bedroom apartment in the H wondering out loud if my life was really worth living. They had no idea of how my friend with over 15hrs time difference ahead of me will stay up with me on skype for hours, just talking. See none of them probably understands why my best friend decided to fly down to spend Christmas that year with me. None of them will ever know how I got through that particular month which till date remains the toughest in my life.

Talking about this is not to say I don’t appreciate my new friends, gosh! I love them so much. I have met some genuinely good-hearted people in this new phase and every day I thank God for them. But sometimes, they may not understand my mood swings or why I insist on making some decisions. I just wish I could explain some things to them, the reasons behind my being extremely emotional. You know there is always this comfort with old friends who you can spill everything to without thinking twice or having to explain because they were there. The people who can see behind all the façade and appearances. The ones that can tell me to quit being so strong. The ones that understand my love for long emails and letters more than phone calls. The ironic thing is some of these new friends are slowly turning to old friends, while the old friends are slowly drifting and are becoming a thing of the past. I am building new memories with my new friends, sharing with them my present and possibly the future. That is how life is……

However I am blessed that despite it all, old or new, they love and accept me for who I am, times I err, they call me out and I will not be who I am without all my friends.

Here’s to old and new friends, thank you for making me ME.

Wednesday, July 20, 2011

Day 16............. It Passes

Over a week ago while listening to music, a few songs came up and they were the ones a friend sent to me during a phase i was going through. I remember writing this down while i was reminiscing about the events that made him send me the songs.

"When one is hurting and in pain, you never think you will get past it
I am listening to some songs my friend sent me during the whole dark period; songs from Heather Headley, Michael Buble etc and i remember it used to make me cry and my friend told me that it was meant to help me get better and maybe see that it's nothing new and everyone hurts and that i will get past it. I was a bit skeptical and felt like i was never going to get through it. Now i'm here, listening to some of these songs and all i can do is smile because once again, my friend was right. Pain is temporary no matter how long it lasts, it will surely pass and then we look back and just laugh at how we never knew we will survive it. Yep! i survived another heartbreak. which I never knew i could"

Today i came across some old emails, long rants i wrote and i look back at how much i have changed, grown and recovered. Everything is a phase in life and it all passes, even if we think it never will.

Tuesday, July 19, 2011

Day 15....... 3 Random things that make me cry

I know i am a crier but there are some random things that make me cry without holding back.

1. Graduations: Gosh! i cry at graduations, when i watch graduations, when i read about graduations,anything that has to do with graduations. Heck, i was bawling during the graduation scene in High School musical.... i think it has to do with the overwhelming sense of accomplishment attached to the ceremony. In all of these, i never cried at any of my own graduation ceremonies.

2. Extreme make-over: Home edition. I don't know of any show that is more emotional than this. Sigh, thinking about it, i am already getting teary-eyed. It is such a moving show. Two nights ago, my flatmate and i were watching an episode and we kept passing each other kleenex. It's just so emotional seeing families who have so many challenges being helped and given the home of their dreams.

3. Wedding vows: Not the standard for better for worse ones but the personalized ones that come from the heart and most of them are only seen in movies. I loved and cried while watching Brooke and Julian say their vows in One tree Hill. I have always said it and will keep saying it, my wedding vows will be personalized. My future husband can decide to do the same or go with the standard one.

What are the random things that make you all emotional and teary eyed? Share... don't worry we won't judge :)

Monday, July 18, 2011

Day 14....... The Power of that one Kiss

Yesterday i was on my girl Shona Vixen's site yesterday and her post reminded me of that one kiss that always brings me to my knees.....The one kiss that made me fall in love the one and only time i have ever been.
There are so many ways one can be kissed, i like to think i'm a good kisser but i am not as keen to any other type than the one that always renders me powerless.....The Forehead Kiss.

Personally, i pride myself in being a modern day strong independent woman, i work hard, pay my own bills, handle my finances, my business, struggles etc but i like to feel protected and secure especially when in a relationship. I want to be assured everything will be alright. This type of kiss gives me that.

The only man that understood how comforting this kiss was to me was the only man i ever fell in love with. I have been in love only once in my life and even though it didn't work out, i am glad it was with someone that understood, not because i told him, but because he saw through my soul and realised the potential of the forehead kiss.

I hope when i am ready and find the kind of love i seek, it will be with a man that knows and appreciate the power of the forehead Kiss.

Sunday, July 17, 2011

Day 13.......... Quote

(Black Sand beach, Limbe, Cameroon.....2010)

"I’m happy because I know my value.
I live life on my terms.
I don’t have to be subservient to anyone.
I am not controlled by anything.
I am strong and capable even in my weakest moments.
And I know that Love is not elusive.
It comes along when the time is right.
And it leaves when it's time to move on."

Saturday, July 16, 2011

Day 12.......... That One Song

So many songs make me smile no matter what mood i may be in, but one that stands out is Destiny's child "Brown Eyes". I don't know why but even if i'm hurting, happy, sad, nervous, whatever, and this song comes on, i start smiling sheepishly. I have tried to remember why this song makes me feel that way, no success. I don't even remember what was going on with me the first time i heard it. All i know is the lyrics transport me to this feel good fantasy world and evokes some feelings in me that i can't explain. Who knows, one day i may actually feel that way in reality.

My favourite part is
"Remember the first day we stopped playing games
Remember the first day you fell in love with me
it felt so good for you to say those words
cause I felt the same way too"

Anyone else have that one song that they love no matter what?

Friday, July 15, 2011

Day 11...... Friend-Zone

Last night or should i say early this morning seeing as it was like 2am my time, i went on twitter and noticed that the dominant conversation on the timeline was about friend zones and it made me laugh....
Shortly after that, my friend buzzed me and we got talking about what it was and i had to explain to him what i thought it meant using VSB's definition from their book "Your degrees won't keep you warm at night" (a really truthful and funny read by the way)
According to the book, A woman who places guys there gets the perk of a relationship:(friendship, companionship etc) without giving what the man really wants: sex. A guy who places women there gets the benefit of a rship (sex, companionship) without ever giving the woman what she really wants (a long term commitment and strong emotional connection.

Basically, the zoner isn't giving the friend what the friend truly desires while simultaneously getting exactly what they need from d friend at that point.

This got me thinking about how many guys may have put me in the friend zone without me realising, i am not sure i have been obviously friend zoned. If i notice i like a guy and it's not mutual, i move on, and keep it as platonic friends. I have no expectations and i want nothing more. Lately i see girls clamouring to change men, thinking they will move them from the friend zone to the relationship zone if they acted perfect. Excuse me for a minute while i L.O.L. You can't get a guy to change your status. Of course he wants to smash you, but once he mentally places you in a friend zone, that doesn't mean he won't keep smashing. Why pay for the cow when the milk is free?

Personally i have placed some guys in the friend zone, i am not proud of it, but when i am not attracted to you but you keep being nice to me, i won't reject your gestures. This reminds me of a guy that liked me so much and used to literally be at my beck and call. Sadly i didn't feel anything for him, and maybe i was too selfish to tell him to back off but i sure did enjoy the dinners, the gifts, the movies, the errands....He was such a nice guy. (note to self: start being attracted to nice guys). In that same vein, i also had to friend-zone a guy because i knew he wasn't good for me. Wanting more even though he was willing to give was going to hurt me more in the long run, you know those kind of relationships you know from get go you can't handle.

Being friend-zoned did not start today, In the bible, i bet Jacob friend-zoned Leah when he realised his father in law tricked him, sure he had sex with her, they had kids but he worked 7 yrs more just to get Rachel but he probably was not giving Leah the full emotional commitment she wanted.
It also will not end anytime soon, what's best is to always explain to the other person where they stand and if they still choose to hang on then it really isn't your fault they want to be friend-zoned.

Thursday, July 14, 2011

Day 10......... Discretion

I came across a post on one of my fave sites yesterday written by Streetz who is one of my all time fave bloggers, and not just because he does personal favors for me sometimes (get your minds out of the gutter). A part preached so true and it got me musing yesterday afternoon resulting in me sending a long email of my thoughts to some of my friends which i have decided to edit and post today.

The issue of discretion in life and especially in relationships...... with the increase in social media, most people have become so open, dramatic and messy, You can know their whole relationship, drama, unnecessary details from conception to date just by checking out their timelines.

They will let the world know everything about their relationships, the ups and downs, the tears and laughter, the strengths and weaknesses. Whatever happened to keeping mum to the world? Having a not so good day day or a hurtful argument with someone, and just working it out privately instead of taking it publicly by posting facebook, bbm statuses and subliminals on the Internet? I have been guilty of this a few times but i have learned. It never makes sense.

Streetz made a statement in that article that says Find a discreet woman, and you will find salvation. I will like to include, in my own case, a discreet man. That is the gospel truth in both sexes because when your significant other/lover/partner/boothang/whateverworksforyou tells your issues to friends, they tend to form opinions and judge you which just turns all dramatic. I believe in only telling things that i feel are needed at my own discretion.

I remember when i was actually dating my last boyfriend, for the brief few months we were together, maybe only one or two people, knew even though we would be out in the same crowd, no one suspected. It was when it ended that some of my close friends realised. Some said i was stupid, and that if you are keeping a relationship on the lowdown, it's because there's something fishy and maybe he's not just that into you *cue in Tiwa Savage's Kele Kele love* .

In some cases maybe yes, but I like to think i'm a bit too open personally, i write freely on my blog etc but private when it comes to my relationships for the most part, and absolutely hate talking because then people tend to cloud my judgement so it's best i deal with stuff by myself with only trusted and minimal advice.

Recently, the subliminals, write-ups and the drama i read on twitter and blogs has me concluding that Discretion is indeed a lost art in my generation. God help us

Are there disadvantages to discretion? Or should i be shouting from the roof top and updating my google+ status to everyone who wants to read about what i did to whatever-his-name-is with my tongue last night?

Wednesday, July 13, 2011

Day 9......... I don't wanna know

Source: The Journey.... Funms- The Rebirth (now closed)
Date: February 21, 2008
Title: Confessions
"Speaking of confessions.... how much do you reveal in your relationship. I hung out with my friend and her family last Christmas day in UK. We started conversing with her uncle and his friends and this issue came up. He said it is advisable for ladies to always let a guy know their entire past so nothing will come as a surprise in future. Quoting him, if u have always been a BT phone book and now you want to be a dedicated line, let him know. This is to avoid him realizing you have dated half of the area code....... I really don’t know how much you should say. People say what you don’t know won’t hurt you, so should you keep some things back? Personally, i always want to know everything that has happened before i came into the picture and vice versa. I don’t know if that is healthy......."

Today: 13th July, 2011


Over Three years ago, i wrote that excerpt. I was of the school of thought that i will really appreciate if i knew everything about my partner's past and vice versa.
Now i can say with a full conviction that i do not want to know. Oh wait a minute, i think i just got my first relationship conviction.

Anyway, i am more matured and i have learnt that it doesn't matter. I don't want to know how many women you dated before me, and all those revelations that come with it. If you want to know about mine, i will gladly tell you. If you volunteer yours, i will listen but i won't actually go out of my way to ask you.

I was at the gym this morning and while trying to draw up my last few energy on the stairmaster, John Legend's Number One came on.

For a minute, i was transported to the night he performed that song at the Rodeo and i remembered the gorgeous shirtless hunk he transformed to on stage....swoooon. Anyway, on that evil stairmaster, The part where he said
"Now who is she?
What's her name?
You don't need to know about everything"
struck me. I don't want to know. Now i am not saying if my man is cheating on me, i don't want to find out. What i don't want to know is the details or whatever happened.

Does this make me naive? Do you think i should be interested in knowing my partner's past and details before me? Am i more matured now or was i wiser back then?

Tuesday, July 12, 2011

Day 8...... Convictions

Dictionaries say conviction is a fixed or strong belief. Some people say it includes your values, commitments, and motivations.

I once read Howard Hendricks' definition: "A belief is something you will argue about. A conviction is something you will die for!" I think he was right.

I know our convictions determine our conduct. They motivate us to act in certain ways and i am often told that a person without conviction is at the mercy of circumstances because if you don't determine what's important and how you'll live, other people will determine it for you.

Rick Warren says Conviction helps us be diligent in continuing to grow spiritually. Growth requires time and effort. Without convictions about growth, people become discouraged and give up. No one stays with a difficult task unless he is convinced that there is a good reason for doing it.

It is said that the people who have made the greatest impact on this world, for good or evil, were the people with the strongest, deepest convictions. They weren't necessarily the smartest, wealthiest, or best educated people, but their convictions moved them to move the world.

However, what is ironic today is that people often have strong convictions about weak issues (football, fashions, etc.) while having weak convictions about major issues (what is right and what is wrong). Then again, who determines what is weak or strong.

I am still trying to define my convictions, i really have no clue as to if they are fixed convictions that i am willing to die for or just temporary ones i feel are guiding me on this journey. I am confused. How do you know for sure that you have convictions? I guess part of living life is defining what you feel strongly about and what not.
I don't want to be hypocritical and say for sure these are my convictions as i don't know if maybe down the road, i may change my mind....I guess i need to reflect and think deep.

Have you identified your convictions? What do you feel so strongly about?

Monday, July 11, 2011

Day 7...... Hurray!!!!!!!!

Made it to Day 7......

I have a habit that i think it's a good one. I celebrate small achievements and milestones. When i set a goal and i'm on track, i stop to congratulate myself.... Over the weekend, i bought myself a new pair of ballet pumps... Even though i had been wanting to buy one, i realised it was the perfect moment when i did my weekly weigh in and my scaled said i lost 1.8kg (like 3.8lbs) that week.... Awesome! It may seem small but baby steps towards my goal and i get more motivated.

So here i am again, happy i made it to day 7. I really didn't think i would have anything to write for 6 days non-stop

So HURRAY!!!!!!

Do you find time to appreciate the small achievements in life? How do you reward yourself?

Sunday, July 10, 2011

Day 6........Weaknesses

Every human being has a weakness, whether acknowledged or not, and if left unrecognized can cause a lot more harm than intended. Every time i try to identify my weaknesses and address them into ways that may turn them into strengths. In the words of Ralph Waldo Emerson, “Our strength grows out of our weaknesses”

Like i said yesterday, it is okay to show emotions, in the same light, it is okay to admit your weak points. One of my weaknesses is "Assumptions" and this always leads to "Jumping into conclusions".

I think i'm the greatest "assumptionist" (i doubt that word exists) in the whole world. It probably stems from my impatience (another weakness that i have somehow managed to turned into strength) and this trait has caused more trouble for me than it did to the black community when black women decided to take sides of Team weave vs Team Natural.

My ex once said something to me casually; He told me that in his eyes, i would have been without flaws if not for my Always-jumping-to-conclusions-traits. I used to be so bad. If i call you and you don't pick, my mind will come up with at least 10 different WRONG conclusions as to why. I recognise this and admit that yes i am weak in this regard. However, my admitting it a while ago has helped me manage it better.

Lately i realise that when you assume, your expectations are not met and you end up getting hurt. My most hurt feelings came from situations in which i was impatient, made wrong assumptions and conclusions. The funny thing is i keep my conclusions to myself and i keep the hurt in.
For example
Me: Why didn't you read my bbms and not reply till hours later. I even sent you DM's on twitter and yet no response? (At this point i have concluded to myself that this person is ignoring them on purpose and i've gone into a really bad mood, contemplated deleting their pin and blocking on twitter)

Random Victim: Sorry, i was driving when i read your bbm and i could not reply, i tried calling but didn't get through and i have not been on twitter all day

See the scenario there, a true-life story by the way is one of many that my thinking has made me conclude wrongly and i end up getting hurt inside all for no reason.

I am changing and i have stopped jumping into fast conclusions, i am more patient, i wait issues out and think thoroughly without making decisions. I believe this is what they call growth and maturity. The impatient me is slowly becoming patient and i am a happier person for that.

Do you have any weaknesses or shortcomings that you have figured a way to address?

...Rebirth..a.k.a The only exercise i used to do before was JUMP into conclusion...

Saturday, July 9, 2011

Day 5........ It is Okay

.....for women and men to show emotions

Society is evolving and according to the University of Girls Run the World in Beyonce City, we have more independent, career-focused, business minded ladies than ever before in the history of mankind. This means more women in the workplace, more businesses being run by us, in a few words, we are taking over.

As career-women, entrepreneurs and savvy businesswomen, we’re constantly facing situations that test us. Be it the sexist co-workers (yes i have those), or the annoying banks and service providers, or just men who we interact with daily that believe a woman's place is right in the kitchen making soups and waiting anxiously for the "Honey i'm home" phrase every evening.

Having these scenarios play out often in our daily activities, we can easily start building up a wall, brick by brick without even realizing it. We feel it’s needed because society has labeled us “emotional,” and as everyone knows, there’s no room for emotions in business. To defy the stereotype that women will cry at the drop of a dime, we overcompensate by appearing tough and denying our emotions all together.

A few weeks ago, i was having a pretty rough day at work, i just wanted to break down in tears right in the middle of a brainstorming session. However due to the whole women are too emotional, weak, blah blah i tried to put on a straight face. I sent a message to my friend and he simply told me to go into the bathroom and take a few moments. I did, released the tears and felt much better and went back to the room stronger. Sometimes, it's Ok to cry when we need to, it doesn't depict us as being weak.

Men, it is also OK to show your emotions, we like to see that softer side too (no pun intended)

When it’s all said and done, it’s about your personal growth as a man or woman regardless of anyone’s opinions. When managed properly (because i'm not condoning Naomi Campbell-esque anger outbreaks or Ike Turner beating techniques), our emotions are a beautiful and genuine part of our being. It defines us, it makes us who we are. I am an emotional person and i make no apologies for it.

In a world where fake is the new real and unauthenticity surrounds us, honest emotions are refreshing and much needed when used for good. Allow your emotions to inspire you. Tap into your core and let yourself be free to express emotions.

Don’t let others stunt your growth as a result of their judgment. It’s time that we become more comfortable with exposing and embracing our truest self. Even Miranda Priestly showed some emotions.....

Do you hide your emotions for fear of being called weak? When last did you cry? Men, do you see an emotional woman as being weak?

Friday, July 8, 2011

Day 4........ Words

I love reading books, magazines, articles, write ups, you name it. I love words, and not just because it makes me more aware of what's going on around me, or increases my knowledge but because sometimes i stumble upon words that express how i feel, what i am feeling, going through and it makes me happy, that somewhere, sometime, someone has been through the same thing...this further validates the bible verse that says "There is nothing new under the sun"

Yesterday, my sister-friend ShonaVixen who encouraged me to join in this challenge reminded me from her post why i started blogging a few years ago.
Shona wrote and i quote
"the reason I started this journey with the help of my friends was for us not only to remember why we love words, sharing our thoughts, emotions and whatever is happening around us but also for self-growth, for us to learn about ourselves and also be proud of being consistent with it and who knows maybe during this moment also have an ‘aha’ moment!"

I have always been a personal blogger, i write about myself, my experiences, hoping that someone somewhere sometime will read and maybe, just maybe relate to it and experience that similar great feeling of reading that someone who they have probably never met can relate so much with them; while also growing myself. This is day 4, i have learned more about myself and my emotions as i reflect everytime on what experience to draw on for this challenge.

I don't have a particular theme or subject to write on daily, i just open the new post page and i write. All I want is for my words to express me and i think i am right on course. So i will like to say thank you for reading and indulging me and i hope in one of the 30 posts, you may relate to at least a sentence, word , phrase or even a full stop.

Thursday, July 7, 2011

Day 3........ Crush

"Do you ever think
When you're all alone
All that we could be?
Where this thing could go?
Am I crazy or falling in love?
Is it real or just another crush?"

The good type of crush to indulge in….the one that you know that it is just a crush! Nothing more…..the best type is the one you know that once any one finds out about it, including your crush, you completely lose interest. In the past I always had crushes that I openly admitted even to the "object of my affection" (I’ve been dying to use that phrase), till the crush either ends or “we” do something about it. It is worthy to note at this point that my definition of crush is not limited to human beings....i've had the biggest crush on a Birkin handbag before.....

My last two crushes led me to starting a business i am extremely passionate about and making a really good friend.

Now I have a secret crush, reminds me of newness and new beginnings. Teaches me that i could do more with myself, i can make a big difference. It’s my secret indulgence. I tune off from reality by thinking about my crush…..i am very protective of it because I know once anyone finds out, it’s deuces! Right now, I am enjoying my imaginary fantasy and bubble, and boy! does it feel good

“Something happened for the first time
Deep inside
It was a rush
What a rush
'Cause the possibility
That you would ever feel the same way
About me
It's just too much
Just too much”

Have you ever had a crush on someone (or something) you couldn't bring yourself to tell anyone? As usual, share……..

Wednesday, July 6, 2011

Day 2.......... Who's the Boss?

I put up the above picture as my bbm display on monday and i got a message from someone saying "You are alone" and this got me thinking about how many people hate their jobs and career path.

By job, i am not limiting my definition to the 9-5 most of us do to pay the bills. I remember i always wanted to be a lawyer. I started reading John Grisham books at an early age and it was so fascinating. I fell in love with law, my dad wanted me to be a lawyer, i knew i was going to be a lawyer. Then something happened, we bought a desktop computer. Those really big ones they had many years ago. I used to watch my brother on it and wondered how awesome it will be to be on one all day. Gradually he taught me how to use it, i started typing, playing Solitaire, listening to music on it. After school, i will rush to the computer, it became my second life. Then my dad got internet connection! Voila! i was lost....

It was time to decide what path to take for my finals, i chose Sciences because the requirements to study Computer Science was Maths, Physics and Chemistry. My dad was upset but he had no choice but to let me go into the IT world. Years later, here i am, an IT consultant doing what i love.

I am not trying to be condescending because i know some of us don't like our jobs, heck! i hated my first job!

Now by Job, it includes your main source of income, and the side "hustles". I have 3 main jobs and i find joy in all i do, you know why?

Allow me to go a bit spiritual here....

Your boss is not really your boss; your boss is Jesus. Let me go further by explaining with three points.

First, it says, "Work hard and cheerfully at whatever you do as though
you were working for the Lord rather than for people." (Colossians
3:23 NLT). It's easier to be enthusiastic about your job when you turn
the focus of your work from "I'm doing this for my boss" or "I'm doing
this for a paycheck" to "I'm doing this for the Lord," With that in
mind you can do anything - scrape paint, wash dishes, repair a car -
and turn it into worship.

Second, when you turn your work into worship, you start storing up
credits in heaven. Colossians 3:24 says, "Remember that the Lord will
give you an inheritance as your reward, and the Master you are serving
is Christ." (Colossians 3:24 NLT) As you work for God, you are making
eternal deposits in heaven.

"So whatever you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the
glory of God." (1 Corinthians 10:31 NIV) It doesn't matter if you're
rearranging papers or signing bills, any job can become an act of
worship if you do it enthusiastically for God.

Lastly, Be Enthusiastic in Your Work. If you want your work to be blessed by God, the first thing you must do is start working enthusiastically. Enthusiasm is not based on how fun your job is or how much it pays; it's based on why you do what you do. In fact, the word enthusiasm comes from the Greek words en theos which mean "in God."

It is very true that your attitude determines your joy and you can't succeed in life until you change your attitude about the work you are doing right now.

50 women were honored in a major event in Nigeria last weekend; highly successful women, the best in the society who deserve recognition and one of them was a Lagos State Traffic Management Authority (LASTMA) official People that control traffic. Imagine if she had a bad attitude, i doubt she would have been honored.

Finally, whatever you find yourself doing right now, be happy, put in your best and work towards making things better....

Tuesday, July 5, 2011

30 Day Challenge........Day 1......Boundaries

I was right in the middle of my Yoga DVD last night when my blackberry was Shona Vixen asking if i wanted to join her in the 30 day challenge, (well i like to think she didn't ask, she probably had a gun to the chat window commanding me to.....see i was helpless)...
So here we are, or rather here i am joining Kookie, Vimbai and a few other bloggers in this challenge.

The goal is to put up a post every day for 30 days..... I am excited as i have been slacking on my writing, both on the blog and personally and what better way to get back into it...hopefully by day 30, i would not have run out of things to say.
Let's get into it.....

*passes popcorn and sweet tea round to all readers*

Boundaries! Boundaries!! Boundaries!!!

A wise lady once said:
“At some point, you have to make a decision. Boundaries don't keep other people out. They fence you in. Life is messy. That's how we're made. So, you can waste your lives drawing lines. Or you can live your life crossing them. But there are some lines... that are way too dangerous to cross.”

That sounded wise right? actually Meredith said it in an episode of Grey's Anatomy, which was probably written by a smart script writer so yes, a wise person once said it.

How do we define boundaries and when do we get to the point that we can say we are doing the most? Some people have so many boundaries that to you may not make sense but their experiences have taught them better. I am one of those.

Some years ago, i was this naive girl who believed everyone had good intentions, let everyone in and lived an open life. What was mine was yours, i had a big heart and i really didn't care if people gossiped or in the words of the picture on Kook's blog, 'networked' about me. I am still that girl, BUT i have managed to create a boundary around my life and myself that what you see is not necessarily what you get
Some say i take it too far sometimes, others say i am too nice....all in all i can't please everyone.

I will share with you 3 of my NON-NEGOTIABLE boundaries

1. Once you break my trust and loyalty, we can never be friends again. We will be acquaintances, sure but friends, NO.... I take friendship very serious and i can not handle been friends with someone i know hurt me before. I recently "broke off" a female friendship. We still talk, but as acquaintances and that's because she totally blew my trust and in primary school english, stabbed me in the back. I have forgiven but we can't have my own definition of friendship again. I believe in second chances but not at a risk of my vulnerability

2. I will not be afraid to say NO to a request that makes me feel really unhappy or uncomfortable.... Life is too short to live on other people's terms and also too long to be unhappy and miserable....

3. I will be my own woman, and not bend backwards to be what someone else wants me to be. This sometimes edges me to shift the line because sometimes i make decisions that i know makes me true to myself but causes some growing pains. I am an emotional person and i always forge a strong sense of attachment to people. Sometimes, the society points out that maybe sometimes i need to pretend and not show that side of me, after all i am meant to be a modern day strong Miss Independent. However i always want to stay true to who i am and you either love me or hate me...

What are some of your non-negotiable boundaries? Do share.......

....Rebirth....a.k.a If-you-cross-my-boundaries-imma-flick-you-like-a-fly