Sunday, October 23, 2011

Epiphany

The last two weeks have been pretty difficult. I tried to keep up appearances in every aspect but I was secretly hurting, frustrated, stressed and generally fed up of being a young independent single lady. I say independent because I pay all my bills, rent, living expenses etc alone, cater to some of my family needs, try to prove in my male-dominated work environment that I am as capable as the next guy, and so many other things. Through all of this, I had a mini breakdown last week, and I rarely share such personal challenges with my family and friends, because they have this warped idea that I am strong and need no help. I eventually talked to my parents and brothers just to get their insight, and as usual my friend who has been my great brother to me in the last few years.

I casually joked that if I was married now, things won’t be this bad, at least I’ll live rent-free and also will not be frustrated with work because he will be there to listen to my rant. My friend, who has been married for a year now laughed and said, well you have a point. When you are married, there is that amazing support that comes with being with the right person. Make sure it exists before you settle down. This reminded me that after all, I had a similar breakdown over a year ago and even though I was in a relationship then, I did not get any emotional support or care from the then boyfriend. It was a disastrous relationship and I am still trying to forgive myself for getting into it.

In reality, I will always be this driven, passionate, but sort of undisciplined mess of a person. I will always struggle and work hard for things. I will have moments of triumphs, successes and failures and the list of things I need to do or change will get longer every day! Also I’m still trying to figure it all out, one minute I want to quit my job and follow my dreams, next minute I want to stay. I have a long way to go and having a boyfriend won’t change any of that. I used to have this notion that a boyfriend would validate me and make me better but I looked back at my last two relationships and realized they didn’t make me any finer, smarter, cooler, or nicer. They didn’t give me that support I think it’s required for companionship.

I know sometimes we have to wait for someone who “gets us”, but that doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with who we are. As someone once told me, A diamond is beautiful and precious long before it is discovered. I have realized that as much as I eventually want that love and companionship, I don’t need it to complete me because I can do bad all by myself (h/t Tyler Perry). This means there’s a good chance I can always handle whatever life brings my way alone and when the time is right and I find that someone that “gets me”, we will be perfect for each other.

Wednesday, October 19, 2011

Happiness Musings.........

I look back at the years gone by, people i have met, relationships i have been in, jobs i have worked at, places i have been to and i realise that everything has a lifespan.......no matter how intact it seems now, it is up to me and life to decide if it's gonna be a short or a long one.

Have you ever had some moments that you wish could last for a lifetime? (words to Nicki Minaj). You know the i wish i could freeze this feeling, day and moment forever? I have had and right now i wish there was a way i could have frozen it because i need one of those moments right now.
I once read a post on CurvyGirlChronicles (awesome blog by the way, you guys should check it out) on the 3 tiers of Glee. I really want to always be at the highest level of happiness. In CG's words:
"I submit to you, that the top of the pyramid, the highest level of happiness, is suprasituational happiness, that is, the ability to be okay, even when everything works against your plans. And there, you have it. True happiness is to survive with dignity and grace the worst times of your life."

I know i have had such moments before and those are the kinds i really want to freeze. Question is how can i maintain it? Is it possible to be like that every single day? I am currently floating, i'm not unhappy but not as happy as i want. I feel there is something missing. I am looking for something, some sort of Inner peace. Maybe going back to Church will fix it? Maybe relocating yet again? I don't know. There is just something missing. I need to find it

In other news, I am in love with Beyonce's Countdown video. I watch it at least 5 times everyday on youtube. I made a dance routine for it over the weekend. It's a happy song that makes me think of maybe opening my heart for a split second...... hmmmn nah! i will pass


So back to being happy, i know i mentioned in the first paragraph that it's up to me to decide if it will be a short or long one, but life often gets in the way. Question to you guys, how do you maintain those euphoric moments?


Tuesday, October 11, 2011

Living.........

I have not been living. Yea i wake up, go to work, run my business, talk to family and friends but i never do anything personally exciting or spend time with myself that wasn't work or business related.

Last week was hectic, i almost quit and it took the realization of a mild nervous breakdown and my friend Akin to remind me that life is too short for me not to do things i like.

I decided to kick start my new 'Living Project' by taking a weekend trip to Cape Coast. It was amazing. I want to explore the world, not just the famous cities but beautiful places that can put a smile on my face, so when i take my last breath, i can truly say i lived a happy life

These pictures were taken on one of the cape coast beaches and the famous Elmina slave castle.... Enjoy













I urge you guys to do something you have always wanted to do, write a bucket list and tick them off one by one. I am writing mine currently and i hope i can tick them all off before i die....and if i do die before i do, i may at least have managed to live a little

P.s- The Pictures were taken directly from a phone...The HTC desire... the camera quality is so awesome.

Ps.s - Template still working out?


Friday, October 7, 2011

....To Steve Jobs





"Sometimes life hits you in the head with a brick. Don't lose faith. I'm convinced that the only thing that kept me going was that I loved what I did. You've got to find what you love. And that is as true for your work as it is for your lovers. Your work is going to fill a large part of your life, and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work. And the only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven't found it yet, keep looking. Don't settle. As with all matters of the heart, you'll know when you find it. And, like any great relationship, it just gets better and better as the years roll on. So keep looking until you find it. Don't settle"....... Steve Jobs R.I.P


I mourn Steve Jobs. I picked up so much from just reading about him and watching his clips on YouTube, articles, speeches etc. I remember when i was at a hard stage in life. I came across the above quote and it kept me going. The world has lost a little of its greatness(word to Forbes) , but he will be remembered for his innovation, creativity and smartness. Never to be forgotten. I can boldly say to my kids and grand-kids, i was alive when Steve Jobs was alive and he taught us all a few lessons in Entrepreneurship. Rest in Peace great man.

I hope i can inspire a few people in my own way and be remembered with great fondness.

Have a great weekend

P:s- I messed up the original blog template and can't seem to get it back so decided to experiment with something else, let me know if you guys can read the blog without any issues..... summary: yay or nay?

Tuesday, October 4, 2011

Still here.......

I miss you guys here. I am still alive, sorry i've been off. It's been so hectic and crazy lately and my life is still as dramatic so fret not, more updates coming soon.

I have been a bad friend. You know how i always had issues with friends and had to cut some off so i could stop whining like i had no control over my life? well, i was the bad friend in this case. I am still on a time-out with the 2 friends i messed the relationship with. Maybe i will be forgiven, maybe not. I am dealing with the consequences of my actions.

Two different aituation but same outcome, I messed up pretty bad all within last weekend. I can't overstate how sorry i am but they don't read my blog so no point grovelling here again.

Anyway, just wanted to check on you guys and tell you 2 things. One: Don't take your friends for granted and be there when they need you, even if they don't show it. Two: Be slow to anger and never assume or jump to conclusions.


(source: http://etiquetteforalady.tumblr.com)

Love you all........

Friday, September 16, 2011

T.G.I.F

"I've got the moves like Jagger
I've got the moves like jagger

I don't need to try to control you
Look into my eyes and I'll own you

With the moves like Jagger"


Phew! i thought this week was never gonna end.

It was a busy and exhausting one. I am looking forward to staying in bed all weekend reading fictional books and getting lost in good music....

Here is a song i am very excited about at the moment. Love the energy and gosh Christina's voice is so beautiful.

"You want to know how to make me smile
Take control, own me just for the night
But if I share my secret
You're gonna have to keep it
Nobody else can see this

So watch and learn
I won't show you twice
Head to toe, oh baby, rub me right
But if I share my secret
You're gonna have to keep it
Nobody else can see this"


Enjoy Moves like Jagger by Maroon 5 ft Christina Aguilera



Have a great weekend and be happy :)

Monday, September 12, 2011

Don't make me....

Three days ago, a friend randomly asked me in between our back and forth business emails. "Why are you not in a relationship and don't tell me you are married to work and business?"

I am taking the year off dating.

No people don't take time off dating, he's married...you can't be entirely single.

He's a guy. Men are never 100% single, they may not be in a relationship, but it's rare to find a very single guy. I had this conversation with my girlfriends while on vacation. It was Chioma's birthday. We went for an Italian early dinner, got drunk on red wine, moved to happy hour for 2 for 1 cocktails and went to see Lion King. We were kinda drunk, laughed through out the musical but had awesome conversations. Consensus was it was impossible for a man to be single. There's always one girl, maybe two or three somewhere with a situationship. I believe. Do you?

No wonder he doesn't believe women can be single.

I have met guys who want more. they want more attention, more hanging outs. I can't. They always want more. I don't have more to give. I tell them, i can't. They think i'm weird. Everywoman wants to date. No. Not me.

Hurt me a little to tell a decent dude to move past me. He should not fall in love with me. Reminds me of Birds pt 1. A track by The Weeknd.


So don’t you fall in love
Don’t make me make you fall in love
Don’t make me make you fall in love with a woman like me
Like me
Cuz boy I’m just a bird
I’m just another bird
Don’t make me make you fall in love with a woman like me
Like me

I am not ready to date. I don't want a man right now. I am enjoying being single. I don't lack male attention or conversation but that's where it ends. Nothing intimate. Nothing. The year off has put a lot of things in perspective. Sad i have a few months left. I should enjoy it to the fullest. I am enjoying it.

Thursday, September 8, 2011

Thankful



I had a stressful day yesterday. I just wanted to crawl in bed and cry. I found it hard to say Thank you God for today but then i remembered that we have to always give thanks so i tweeted instead "In all things....Give thanks"

Someone retweeted and added: "Always. Even in the hardest of times. May God help us all to learn to do this."

He was right. He is still right. Sometimes we get so weighed down that we forget to appreciate the little things and show gratitude. It is good to give thanks.

I am thankful for

1. The gift of life for me, my family, friends and you my darling readers.

2. The phone company here that restored my blackberry service. I was off BBM for a week and it affected a few things. Thankful for BBM, well till Apple comes out with something similar :)

3. Friendship: My good friends who know my strengths and accept my weaknesses, who don't judge and are quick to support and help me in my decisions and life. The ones who don't laugh at the stupid things i say sometimes.

4. The wonderful people I have been privileged to meet via social networks. A really nice fellow on twitter helped me with the financial modelling of my business. I was going to pay over a thousand dollars to some so called professional but i got it done for free.

5. Good conversations. It's such a great feeling when you talk to some people and come out feeling refreshed. Our generation is filled with smart people.

6. Strength: I get asked; how do you combine your work, travelling, business, and the other side things you are working on? I honestly have no idea. I owe it to God for the divine strength. However, i need an assistant. It's time to get a PA and delegate :)

So darlings, what are you thankful for? Nothing is too small.....


Thursday, September 1, 2011

Fix you......


This week has been good in Blogosphere. On Monday, two writers whose views i respect a lot (and they follow me on twitter...woot woot!) dropped awesome posts that reminded me of my past.... Mr Spradley (aka Most) wrote on SBM on monday about emotionally unavailable men. It was epic, click on that link if you've not read it. I had to send it to some of my male friends to call their EUM asses out..... Then on wednesday, Max followed with her view.... another epic post. See why this week was amazing....

These two posts reminded me of my views on my post in my former blog in Dec 2008. (I have opened the blog so y'all can read it). I had just come out of a "situationship" (shout out to Kookie for that word) with an emotionally unavailable man and i had my Ha Ha moment.

In the last few years, i have realised that i am attracted to men that i clearly know won't lead anywhere...case in point...my ex....
I know i am caring and i think i am pretty messed up in the sense that i tend to go for men that i feel like i can fix. I used to have this stupid notion that i can fix anyone and make him be what i want. It never worked and it will never work. Glad i am wiser now...

One thing that freaking pisses me off and Max also pointed out " if you really don’t want a woman to fall for you, don’t treat her like a princess. That doesn’t mean treat her like a servant, but treat her like a commoner. Good morning emails and good night text messages? Really? Why? So she can be under the impression that she’s the first thing you think of when you wake up and the last thing you think of when you go to sleep? All that’s doing is giving her an inflated sense of her importance in your life. And if she was all that important, you’d make her your girlfriend, wouldn’t you?"

If you don't want to take it further, stop being so fucking nice. You can create these boundaries and not send mixed signals but when you do shit like you are a boyfriend, then you know what, we fall for you men.....

Also Ladies, stop being too nice. I have been nice in the past, i'm still nice :) but i have done stupid things that if i mama heard, she'd have slapped the devil out of me....

Also, I am all for communication and letting your actions match your word, but my last ex, he did boyfriend shit, his actions meant boyfriend shit, but then his words turned around and said oh you know i said i was emotionally unavailable....all that B.S is for the birds....

Funny enough, Recently i met someone but his words were not matching his actions. Unlike the me before, i would have played Coldplay's Fix it and went in fully but i cut him off instantly, no more fixing anyone. No communication, no contact, nothing. I made him disappear. Go fix your ass before you come talk to me.



Even when we believe we can change people, it rarely happens. When a man says i am emotionally unavailable and so let's kick it, RUN! well except you are all for kicking it and no point in time will you want more. Heck i'm tired of reading subliminal tweets, facebook statuses and blogposts....when people tell or show you who they are, believe them.

If a lot of people could only listen, a lot of heartbreaks will be avoided.
I am done fixing people and the only time i want to play Coldplay's track is to gawk at the awesomeness that's called Chris Martin....other than that, if you need to be fixed, go check yourself into Rehab....



Tuesday, August 30, 2011

Just Because.......



I love flowers. They make me smile. I go on all sorts of flower delivery websites and just admire different arrangements and types.
I think they are one of God's best creation, well after my fabulous self :)

Hope these pictures make you smile and brighten your day as it did mine....





I don't like red roses, i never stop to admire them.... is that normal?
Thinking about it, Sadly, i have never been sent flowers by anyone just because....or not even on any occasion.., sucks right? The past men in my life, no matter how many times i hinted never took it serious.... Now taking applications for flower sending men.

I should probably stop at the grocery store on my way home after work and pick an arrangement for my self.

Monday, August 29, 2011

Sisterhood


Sometimes people hurt us, we confront them and they deny.....
I am growing, i try not to get upset most times because not everything matters, not everything is worth it but there are some days, some situations that make you reflect and wonder why? why? why?

You are good to someone, you open up to them, help them in time of their needs and then they turn back and hurt you, and instead of being courageous, they act cowardly and deny that they never hurt you..

Human beings are weird, women are weird and sometimes i wonder why women can't stand together and help each other....must we backstab, hurt and hate on our fellow women? What happened to sisterhood support?

It saddens me to agree that most times, we set back our own gender in this whole feminist and Miss Independent journey......

Saturday, August 27, 2011

....Musings....


My Life's a journey. And my destination is happiness. Discovering who I am. Finding my inner confidence. Feeling comfortable in my own skin. My imperfections are what make me, me. I'll show them off. I'll adorn my curves and accentuate my figure, flaunting it without shame. I will not dumb myself down to fit into a stereotype, neither will I apologise for my small successes. I'm a firm believer and will not be swayed by the material things in this world. I will work hard and follow my dreams and patiently wait to reap the fruits of my hardwork....

Life is a journey and I will not stop till I get to my destination.

Tuesday, August 23, 2011

Style Rebirth Online Lingerie Boutique launches in Lagos… “It’s not just lingerie, it’s a lifestyle”

(Yes i am promoting my new store shamelessly on my blog......hehehehehe.......no shame in my game....ok now i know some of you have blogs, so yes in my generous heart i give you permission, go ahead, copy the press release below and paste it...i know you love me...ok please you can join in the promote a new business game and help a sister out.....love y'all too..p:s- you are the first audience hearing about it...see i like to inform you guys first...too much love for y'all :) )




For the last 14 months, Style Rebirth has been hosting fabulous lingerie sale events in Lagos and Abuja tagged “Sexy et Fabuleux” and a lot of women have benefitted from this sale of quality, sexy and affordable lingerie. To ensure fellow Intimate Apparel Enthusiasts are given an opportunity to access these gorgeous pieces everyday, they have launched an online boutique filled with different types of lingerie of varying sizes from petite to plus size up to Bra Cup size K.

There is a vast array of Bras, panties, Babydolls, Chemises, Casual sleep wear, Swimwear, Shapewear etc. In addition various accessories are available include bridal party items, hen night and night headwraps, after all What’s the point of having sexy underwear and then turning heads off with your granny type hair nets and bonnets.



Products of high quality and customer satisfaction are the main focus. Also for shoppers, there are a wide range of payment options available including acceptance of all major credit and debit cards.

Go on and shop all these many items and more on www.stylerebirth.com
.
Also follow @stylerebirth on twitter for more information

Thursday, August 11, 2011

Life Changing Experience......

Note: It seems to be a long post..... :)

I moved to Nairobi six months ago for a work project and i was really excited not only because it was a very good opportunity (both career-growth wise and financially) but also because i get to visit places i have never been to and interact with a lot of people from different continents.

I got what i wished for. Never had i worked with such a diverse team. There were Indians, Malaysians, Taiwanese, Filipinos, Singaporeans, Nigerians, Somalians, Zimbabweans, Zambians, Kenyans, Ugandans, Ghanaians, Mozambicans, Ivorians, Australians, British, Canadians, Egyptians, South Koreans, Thais, Malawians and some other countries i can't even remember now. It was very diverse and everyone was different.

I learnt a lot of lessons. One important thing that stood out was Tolerance. Everyone is different, with all sorts of work ethics and behaviour. Different ways of writing, what i consider to be a hostile email, my colleague from India thinks it's the respectful way of addressing someone. The aggressive and raised voices of the Nigerian men which they deem acceptable and normal as a way of getting across their point, to the silent words of the Filipino, who looks so tiny like she can't hurt a fly. From the heavily accented English of the Thai who communicates better by emails or chatting, because no one can seem to understand his spoken words, to the playful Australian who plays angry birds in a meeting but still manages to contribute effectively to every point. The Indians who i really had a time getting along to because i didn't understand their work ethics stand but we ended up eating Chicken Masala together at dinner one time. Or is it the Ugandan who acts like he's drunk everytime you engage him in a conversation but still manages to give you the information you need on time. Oh how can i forget the Singaporean, my flatmate, we bonded so well and we learnt to respect each other's space, i learnt how to make Ba ku teh, and i taught her how to eat my extra spicy Jollof rice. The many multi-cultural dinners we had in the flats, oh the Thais are amazing cooks. I could totally move to Thailand just for food.

Ha! the Kenyans, as horrible as i find their meals which i only ate it twice in the whole six months, i felt their hospitality and kindness, eagerness to please the foreigners but the men can be quite leechy and unpretty. I learnt that Asians in general, speak their language more than English and stick together no matter what and look after their own before the consider outsiders. The Canadian taught me that maybe working so late ain't that bad as long as there is Pizza. I learnt from the Ghanaian that you can be lazy and still have a job. The Taiwanese taught me that spontaneity is the order of the day, which explains our sudden hill climbing trip. The Mozambican taught me that Portuguese is indeed a sexy language but the Ivorian topped it off with French.

I could go on and on about all i learnt but it made me grow. I became less impatient, i stopped jumping to conclusions and my adaptability increased. I saw the world through other people's views. I realised that not everyone speaks good English and no one seems to care. I grew personally also. It was a healing phase for me. The project came at the right time, when i needed to leave my familiar surroundings to get a clearer head and a fresh start. It healed me. I forged relationships i know will come in handy someday. I found out i am a direct person who isn't afraid to speak her mind, well everyone seemed to hint at that during the going away surprise dinner they had for me. I realised how strong i could be and how little things don't seem to bother me again. I loved and appreciated my friends more, the ones who always checked up on me and who i ranted and whined to when i felt lonely being away from home. The Skype calls, Facetime, phone calls, bbm chats.....all were so comforting.

I think everyone should experience leaving their familiar surroundings and go to new places and engage with other citizens of the world. It changes you. I am moving again to another country, to Ghana, still the same project but to work with another team for 9 months. It will be more challenging but i feel more prepared and well at least i will be closer to home.

I have an awesome weekend ahead, not only am i going on vacation, but my 'One that got away' is going to be home and we really do need to catch up. So drinks at the place we had our first date..... I call him my one that got away even though we never dated because he is someone that i really believe we could have had an amazing relationship. Nothing physical ever happened between us even though we started off as liking each other but Life happens and we didn't happen. Right now, our friendship is much more awesome and i am content with that. All platonic :)

So, ever been in a life changing experience? Do share

Have a great weekend.


Tuesday, August 9, 2011

On Kanye West and Jay Z......


Kanye West and Jay Z released an album less than 24hrs ago.
I was eagerly anticipating it. Watch the Throne. Got it as soon as I woke up. I've listened to it 3 times, I've a few faves but the album makes me feel uneasy. Maybe I've read too much posts from VigilantCitizen.com about the illuminati, symbols, interpretations e.t.c but I can't help but sense something dark about it.

It's a pretty good album, Frank Ocean whose music I love is featuref twice, and Don Jazzy produced one of the tracks ft Beyonce also. However, still can't help this dark feeling.
For example why was there 3 mins silence at the beginning of 'Illest mutherfucker alive'? I leave that to VigilantCitizen to figure out.
Actually, I can't wait to read what they have to say.

In other news, we need to pray for peace. What's going on in the world? This London riots are getting out of hand, as at time of this post, 225 youths have been arrested. God save us all.

Monday, August 8, 2011

Too much to ask?


As some of you may know, i have been single for a year and avoiding any serious dating but as i slowly peel away that shield and ready to maybe take baby steps in exploring the dating world, i started thinking of the kind of man i want to end up with. What will be ideal besides looks, or physical appearance? Well, His personality means much more to me. I believe no one should have to settle so here are a few of the qualities i pray for in my ideal man:

He must be or have: (use the appropriate)

1. A really good sense of humor, and likes to have fun……I can be childish sometimes, pillow fights and the likes. I once raced down the beach throwing sands at an ex on a getaway weekend

2. A respectful and loving relationship with both or either of his parents, except they are not alive. In that case, he must have an adult figure he looks up to.

3. Able to let me know he loves and display his love for me without any hesitation, I don’t mean excessive PDA

4. A music lover…… more than me. I appreciate music and want to grow musically

5. Emotionally available, able to commit. I am done with Emotionally unavailable men.

6. Financially responsible. I work hard for my own money, I am not looking for someone I can be dependent on financially but there are some things I will leave for him to take sole responsibility for. We have to be a solid team

7. Affectionate, Compassionate and Forgiving- I can’t stand people that bring issues of months ago after we’ve gone past it
Giving himself and other things: oh and Diamond is my birthstone ;)

8. Gainfully employed or run a business with a legit source of income

9. A strong and personal relationship with God. He must know God comes first and not just the 31st December church going type

10. Respectful of me, my boundaries and my values.

11. Sincere, Trustworthy and reliable.

12. Driven and Secure: Good self esteem, supportive. I want a man who will not have a problem with my desired success, passion or goals. I have big dreams and I want someone who will be proud of me

13. Socially confident but not extremely loud. Ability to hold a conversation.

I don't want to compromise on these things because I think I bring what i expect to the dating pool so I am within my rights to expect it.So help me God
Oh and it will be awesome if he could rock a clean white Tee shirt with blue jeans :)I am a huge sucker for a guy who can rock the white tee and denim and look like a million bucks....





Random thought: The funny thing is I think I know someone who fits in all these qualities but I dare not explore it. Que sera sera

Is my list realistic? Or am i asking to much? How about you guys, anyone got a list to share?

Friday, August 5, 2011

Day 30............ The Crazy Ones

It's day 30. I planned i was going to go all emotional and mushy on you guys, listing all i learnt in the last 30 days of writing, thanking you all for reading and wiping my imaginary tears of joy for completing this challenge.......

I had the perfect write up for today, went over it in my head last night, first time in a while that i thought about what to write before opening the new post page on the blog..... change of plans.

Had a conversation this morning with someone discussing plans and life and all that came to my head after was damn, this guy is CRAZY! So here's a toast to the crazy folks out there breaking barriers to do extra ordinary things.... God go make you bigger o!

Here's to the crazy ones. The misfits. The rebels. The troublemakers. The round pegs in the square holes. The ones who see things differently. They’re not fond of rules. And they have no respect for the status quo. You can praise them, disagree with them, quote them, disbelieve them, glorify or vilify them. About the only thing you can't do is ignore them. Because they change things. They invent. They imagine. They heal. They explore. They create. They inspire. They push the human race forward. Maybe they have to be crazy. How else can you stare at an empty canvas and see a work of art? Or sit in silence and hear a song that's never been written? Or gaze at a red planet and see a laboratory on wheels? We make tools for these kinds of people. While some see them as the crazy ones, we see genius. Because the people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world, are the ones who do.

~ Steve Jobs


Have an amazing weekend everyone and thank you for reading the blog.

Thursday, August 4, 2011

Day 29........... Random Musings


My colleague walked up to me on Monday and said in his heavily thai-accented English “I went to gym today for 30 minutes”. Oh wow Chai, that’s good, but why are you telling me?
Well you’ve inspired me. I watch you go gym every morning now and you look slimmer and brighter”.
What the phuck is brighter? Wow, I guess that’s his way of saying I look good. They say if you want to get addicted to something, do it every day for 21 days. Today at the gym was my 22nd work out day, I’ve been going to the gym every morning from 6:15am- 7:30am. It was difficult to wake up early at first, considering the late nights I keep but I look forward to it now. Energy level has increased. I didn’t realize I was on the elliptical for 40mins on Monday till I looked at the time, wow, and I was at my highest speed. 600 calories burned baby.

Last night, got home late, tired and couldn’t wait to change into my PJs and settle to watch SUITS. I paused briefly in front of the mirror, liked what I saw and decided to stay there, I stripped naked, weighed myself, 4.5kg lighter since 4 weeks ago, waist looks slimmer, boobs perkier, thank God they have not reduced, I love my Ds, hence why I wear 2 sport bras at the gym, aint nothing tackier than boobs bouncing on the treadmill, oh! ass looks like it’s shaping up. I stood on my toes, arms up, elongated body, lawd I looked sexy…… jumped into the shower, put back the PJs, brought out a sexy black silk babydoll from Lasenza. Poured myself a glass of red wine and settled to watch SUITS. Speaking of SUITS, that’s the hottest new TV show right now, or maybe I’m biased because I love law dramas, when is the Good wife returning again?

My homegirl got engaged yesterday, it was her birthday, 30th birthday. Sad I missed it but mega excited for her. She met the guy last year, awesome guy. I’ve known her for 6 years; she inspires me and supports me. I remember we once talked, about being single….Will the right person come along? Dr Mike Murdock once said Some Received From God...The Gift of A Mate. Some Received From God...The Gift of Singleness. How do we know which we were given? I read a book a while ago, this powerful devoted woman of God, she’s popular, I don’t remember her name right now, she’s I think almost 50, never been married but very happy. That’s her calling. I don’t want to be single forever, I’d like a man. I like being dependent sometimes on men, not because I can’t do things myself, but it feels secure. The dating pool seems lame, I was chatting on bbm with a friend, who is in Nigeria for a summer internship from the US. She said there were no single men in Lagos, everyone she’s met is married, young married men who shower her with gifts and all they want to do is Fuck her. Why is this she asks? We agreed maybe boredom, greed, or the fact they rushed into marriage. I don’t know. She’s meant to find me a nerd, according to her, that’s the way to go. Fine swaggalicious boys bring no good. Am I doomed? I’m always attracted to fine men with swag.

A guy buzzed me at 3am three days ago? Why have you not responded to my question of us being together? LOL! I have no intentions of being with him, he’s shorter than me. I am not superficial, but I’m 5 ‘7’, I wanna rock 4inches Louboutins, I will feel uncomfortable doing that if I’m with him and besides I don’t want to deal with short man syndrome, jokes aside, I am not attracted to him emotionally. Another guy I would have considered, he has deep H factor. I am picky about the art of speaking and writing. I imagine if we are in a heated argument which will be inevitable as a couple, and he starts shouting in H factor (for those who don’t know what H-factor is, it’s when someone adds H to words that start with a vowel when talking, and doesn’t pronounce the H in words starting with H so he says- Hi want to Heat Han Happle- I want to eat an apple) I will throw him out. I can’t have make up sex with such. I have a friend, when he’s being stern with me or upset with me, he switches to proper American accented English, I find it very sexy, maybe I should let him get mad at me more often. Nothing sexier than a well spoken angry man.; we gonna be having that make up sex all night long. Yes please!



I made a list last week, of what I want in an ideal man, surprisingly, nothing physical was on it. I am growing. I will share sometime soon. I am nervous, in 20 days I open an online lingerie boutique. Did my finances a few days ago, I was surprised how much money I spent. Didn’t know i could afford it, I remember wishing I came from a wealthy family and had a dad who could set me up with the funds I needed to start. Glad I am doing this with just my money, no loan from the bank or any source. Deprived myself from a few personal indulgence, like that gorgeous Prada bag I’ve been lusting but I’m learning self control.

I should not buy everything I can afford. The last few days have been all wrong, I’ve had to cross so many hurdles and solve challenges and I get more convinced that God doesn’t give us what we can’t handle. I’m stronger. I miss God. I miss talking to him, been to church once in the last 4 months. I can’t seem to find a church here that I click with. I’m moving in 2 weeks again. I think the new town will be more beneficial church wise. I should listen to a Joyce Meyer podcast, I get blessed everytime I do.
My thoughts are all over the place, mind racing even when I’m asleep, it will explain the funny dreams I have been having in the last few weeks. Hoping for a peaceful night this weekend.

Wednesday, August 3, 2011

Day 28........... That one person


Yesterday I was in a fix, I needed help. I had to complete a financial transaction before noon else I would be denied some access. I had the money, problem was I was far away. I thought about who to call, I went through my contact list. No I wasn’t going to call my friend Akin, he was ALWAYS helping me out without any complaint, in the last 3 weeks, he had made enough sacrifices for me, you would think he was the business owner. I didn’t have a choice, I called him but he didn’t pick…damn work meetings. The other person that popped into my mind, No I couldn’t bear to ask for his favour, we don’t talk again. Truth be told, I had no other person to ask after those two. People say I am proud, I would rather starve than ask for help, talk less of anything money-related. I can help or give people freely but I don’t know how to ask from others. Maybe experience taught me a bitter lesson. A few years ago, when I was going through a tough time, I need $100, to simply buy groceries before my cheque cleared the next day. I asked a friend I thought we were really cool. It turned into an insulting and embarrassing situation. Ever since I vowed to always help people, but never ask for financial help from anyone. This is bad! Real bad!

The other few friends that I maybe felt comfortable asking to help or would have considered out of desperation lived out of the country.. Since I moved back, I have learnt to rely on no one. Lagos is filled with people who take take take but the only thing they give back are excuses. We may talk, hang out but I will not ask you for a favor unless you volunteer…..being disappointed so many times taught me the hard way.
Even though it involved a mere 10,000naira (less than $90) and I was going to pay back as soon as I can find a way to send the money from here which will surely be latest the next day, it shouldn’t be a problem to ask right any of these people right? Hmmmn No.

Akin was still busy, I had not even talked to him and time was going, He wasn’t reading his BBMs or picking his call. I decided to call the other person. I was desperate but deep down I knew that despite all we had been through, if I was in a fix, he is one of the two people besides my family that will drop everything he was doing and help me. I was so sure of that. Even though we don’t talk, that conviction never changed. It’s not because of what we had in the past, or the fact that we used to date, afterall he wasn’t the only person I’ve dated, but I think it’s because of the way we defined our friendship and we created a bond that even if I hate him and he hates me, we will temporarily put aside those feelings and help each other in any way possible. I like when I feel comfortable like that. I have the same thing with my married friend Akin, even though the only physical thing we have shared in our over 6yrs of friendship is a hug, but he’s been there for me in many ways more than one. I wish I could have more friends like these, who I was 101% sure will come through for me. Who I don’t have to wish they could at least ask me how my plans are coming along once in a while without me saying anything. I have noticed that most times before I say anything to my friends, I hesitate and weigh it twice, well not with those two. Ok I digress.

I made that desperate call, no emotions, I said I needed help. He asked for details and told me he will get it done. No how are yous or let’s catch up?. I said thank you and we hung up. It lasted 32secs.

I let myself think about him after that call and I started laughing hard. It was the first time in many months that I thought about me, him, us, the past and now the future. I liked the way things were now. I genuinely forgave him and I realized at that every moment that I had completely let go. It was over. No feelings, no hurt, things were back to normal.

We may not talk again for 6 months or one year , who knows but that’s how best it works for us. Minimal communication. I know that 10yrs, 50yrs, 100yrs from now, he will always be someone I can ask for help. We all have that one person who is not involved in our lives but we are sure they will always come to our rescue when the need arises. We pass them on the street, no stopping to chit chat, just a smile as a hint of recognition but when we are arrested the next day and need bailing out; it’s their number we give out without a second thought because we know they will never give an excuse not to help.

Am I the only one that has a weird situation like this? What does this imply?

Tuesday, August 2, 2011

Day 27............ Question




If a guy who is obviously not a douche-bag and who you know you like to an extent..... good looking, you know the whole physical attraction thing is there, you sometimes or say most times fantasise about smashing, casually says to you one day mid convo that he wants to have sex with you. Not in the non-flattering way of oh i just want to beat it but in the nicest way of "All i've ever wanted to do is fuck you". Will you be offended and feel disrespected? Or will you feel flattered?
Guys, this goes for you too....if it were the other way around?

We don't judge here and we tell it like it is so spill in the comments.......i wanna hear your point of view, yes including those of you that never comment..... ;)

P:S- The August edition of Sistaz Mag is out, head over to www.sistazmag.com to read the awesome articles in it

Monday, August 1, 2011

Day 26.....Maybe



...........Maybe i don't want to be strong today and i want to fall under pressure. Maybe i want attention and want to stop being the one giving it. Maybe i am tired of all the mixed signals and i don't want to have this silent crush on you again, heck we rarely even call each other that much. I doubt you will miss me once i quietly disappear from your life. Maybe i don't want to have to deal with pretending that everything is okay and i am not freaking out on the possibility of not meeting the deadline. Maybe i just want to pretend that nobody exists except me and i want to get lost in my bubble.......


Sunday, July 31, 2011

Day 25................ Love is

A while ago, Kookie raised a question on her post asking "If the DJ had to play you a love song what would yours be?"

I couldn't answer then because i had no idea but the last few weeks, i have been listening to R.Kelly's Love letter album all over again. Yea that's where the song from yesterday's post came from and i must say, if the DJ had to play me a love song, i would go for R.Kelly's Love is feat K.Michelle. I really love the song and in line with my post yesterday, i think this will make a good first dance song.



Ooh yeah, oh baby

Said I'm feeling pretty good right now, babe, ooh boy Good about our loving darling, listen.

Like the world goes around every day, baby That is how you spin me Might as well call me a telegram, baby 'Cause darling, that's just how you send me, yeah
I might as well take me a pen and sign a waiver To be yours for the rest of my life, oh baby You rescued me from heartache just like a savior Now being in your arms is my paradise

Listen baby Ain't no love like your love, ain't no kiss like your kiss Felt a whole lot of things but nothing's ever felt like this You a genie to me, babe, the way you grant my wish And tonight we're gonna let the world hear it
This is how our love is You and me forever, baby, sing it, darling Oh, this is how our love is Can't nobody come between it, nah, babe

Listen honey Ain't no doubt what we got, baby, is one of a kind We're in the hall of fame as the greatest love of all time So many said that this love wouldn't last too long But we got the victory, darling and proved them all wrong
Just like the sun comes in and chased away the rain, oh girl See I love you, boy, 'cause you take away my pain And it don't matter where you are, just call me, baby 'Cause I'd run a million miles just to get to you, baby

Listen honey, now Ain't no love like your love ain't no kiss like your kiss Felt a whole lot of things but nothing's ever felt like this You a genie to me, babe, the way you grant my wish And tonight we're gonna let the world hear it

This is how our love is You and me forever, baby, sing it to me, darling Girl, this is how our love is Ain't nobody come between us, babe
Now let me tell you how I feel See our love is like an antidote and we deliver Whole wide world with it, darling, preach to me
This love is like the people's hope Something outta heaven, baby, 'cause it's gotta colon Oh girl, when we're touching, ooh, when we're feeling It's crazy like walking on the ceiling

This is how our love is, baby, you and me You and me sing it to me, girl Oh, this is how our love is, baby And can't nobody come between us, baby
This is how our love is, rain, sleet or snow Oh baby, I want the whole wide world to know This is how our love is, forever and a day, hey It will always be this way
This is how our love is, take it or leave it You and me together, take it or leave it This is how our love is, take it or leave it Take it or leave it, this is how our love is



Right now, i am not looking for love, well if it finds me, good. I am actually running away from it. I'm trying to enjoy being by myself, learning to control my emotions because history has me down as the person who never takes things slow so it's time to change history. When i get to that hopeful looking for love stage, we gonna ask the DJ to play Love is....

Saturday, July 30, 2011

Day 24....... Weddings

I am not a really girly girl. Probably because i am the only girl in the family, with two brothers. My mum and I were the only women in the house so i was more of a tom boy. It wasn't till my second year of University that i started wearing heels. I heard that one of the requirements of being a girly girl is to have a wedding book. One of my friends kept one since high school, she planned how everything was going to be, cut pictures of wedding dresses etc. She's married now and she stuck to the contents.

Recently i have been thinking about weddings, I rarely go to weddings. If we are not very close, i see no point. In the last 3 years, i have been invited to so many but only gone for 4.(i was on the bridal train in 2). Watching Prince William and Kate's wedding a few months ago made me think of what type of wedding i wanted. I have no say in the Traditional wedding, i won't even bother because i know my mother so she can control that. For the white wedding, i don't have a type of dress, or colors or those girly details, all i know is i want it to be on a weekday, weeks after the traditional one and i want a maximum of 150 guests. Either local or destination wedding. My husband and I must know the guests. I am a fan of quiet ceremonies. All these may change depending on the type of man i marry but i pray he agrees with me.

However, one thing i hope will happen is walking down the aisle in Church to meet my husband-to-be to R.Kelly's When a Woman loves. I have never felt so strongly about any song like i do to this song. It depicts the way i want to love him and i pray that when that time comes, i end up with a man that i love this way and who knows the extent of love i have for him.



When a woman loves
She, she loves for real
When a woman loves
She, she, she loves for real
She took me back
After I broke her heart
About a thousand times
She gave her life to me
With no regrets, she followed me
And she, and she, the girl she raised me
And I'm forever indebted, I'm forever indebted, I'm forever indebted to her cause
When a woman loves
She, she, she loves for real
When a woman loves
She, she, she loves for real
She filled my soul
With the very touch of her hand
She really did
And she’s got more, more faith in me than a beach got sand
And I like to tell ha, I like to tell ha, that I’m forever indebted,, that I’m forever indebted, forever indebted
Cause when a woman loves
She, she, she loves for real
Yea, yea
See a woman loves
It would never die young
Even when I’m dead and gone, I’m gonna love her from the sky

Cause she’s given me something that no other woman has given me
When I think about you girl it makes me think
When, when, when, when a woman
When a
Woman
Loves
She loves for real (oh)
When a woman loves, loves, loves
I’m tellin you when she loves
She, she loves for real
Yea, yea, yea

Friday, July 29, 2011

Day 23...... Mimosa



A friend sent me a message "You have changed towards me. I can't pinpoint it but things are different, i thought we worked things out". I smiled and responded, things are fine. I didn't change on purpose. That's the kind of person i am. Just like a snail coils back into its shell or like a Mimosa pudica folds its leaves when touched or exposed to heat, i recoil into my shell when i feel exposed and betrayed.

In my life, all the people i have cut off have one thing in common, they hurt me from backstabbing. I can take people insulting me to my face, being mean to me, disrespecting me, and yet i will not cut you off but if i find out that as my close friend, you went behind my back and talked about me and exposed my vulnerability, i don't think about it twice, i cut you off. A while ago, a guy was hurting me badly, he wasn't my boyfriend but he did a lot of things to hurt me, yet i didn't cut him off. My friends thought i was crazy for still talking to him, i shrugged them off. The minute i found out that he went to tell some random girl things about me i told him in confidence just to score points, i poured him away like a bowl of used water. (ok that line makes more sense in Yoruba). I cut him off without looking back, i was amazed at how it didn't bother me when i stopped talking to him. That's just me

This friend that sent me that message, i thought she was a close friend and maybe if it had been a more realistic issue, i would not have "changed" towards her, but someone that does not think twice about the effects of her action, and goes ahead to hurt me by being disloyal does not deserve a second chance in my books. I thought i was over this issue but it reminded me of how everyone involved hurt me, some minor.
I told her my mind, cut her off forgave her and just so it doesn't make me petty, i started talking casually to her again but things can never be the same. Also, If you say you are my friend, i expect you to stand up for me firmly and say c'mon Don't talk about her, that's my home-girl, maybe because i would do the same.

I may forgive and take back a cheating boyfriend, become best friends again with a jealous friend, make peace with a horrible boss or love an annoying family member but if i think we are close friends and i find out you go about telling people all i've told you in confidence or things you know due to the access i granted you, and you know it's not for any good, you have just touched my leaves or shell and once i close up, i can never open up to you again. That is the way i am, i have accepted that i don't give second chances in such situations and i am not trying to change me.

As one of my favourite Nigerian personalities Funmi Iyanda tweeted on her 40th birthday a few days ago "A wise woman edits her wardrobe, friends, commitments and relationships as she ages to the most flaterring, beloved and supportive".
I have accepted that one of my friendship boundaries is zero tolerance for back-stabbers.

Thursday, July 28, 2011

Day 22......... Reset



I had to leave work midday yesterday. I felt really weak and dizzy and my PM (God bless his heart) told me to go home and he gave me an extension on my almost due deliverable. I got home, made some indomie noodles, and popped two tabs of Ibuprofen PM. While waiting for that great drowsy feeling that occurs shortly before one starts to doze off from the effect of sleeping pills, (gosh i love that moment and contrary to what some of my friends think, i am not a sleeping-pill addict, i just happen to have 6 different types in my cabinet) I decided to continue watching some episodes of 90210 from where i stopped last night to pass away time. I switched on the DVD and it started playing but the TV wasn't showing. I tried everything for the next 10 minutes and i was already getting frustrated. Nothing was wrong with the TV when i left home in the morning, maybe the housekeeper tampered with it. I was about to call the building manager when i decided to try switching off all the devices from the main source as my flatmate and I always hibernate the TV, cable and all other gadgets.


I turned the main switch off, waited a few minutes and turned it back on. Voila! everything started working perfectly. In my semi-drowsy state, i realised that this was similar to some situations in my life. When some things become chaotic and are not going as planned, my first instinct is to troubleshoot and keep doing the same thing over and over again, hoping it will fix itself, Sometimes i am tempted to call friends to have them solve these problems when all i have to do is take a minute to press that RESET button.

Pressing my RESET button may mean stepping away from the situation to look at it from another perspective. It could be not running to my friends for advice immediately. Resetting may entail ceasing to worry, or getting rid of that thing/person/issue that may be dragging you back or most importantly, taking it to God in prayer.

Whatever Resetting means to you, remember that sometimes in life, maybe we just have to hit the reset button to cross that hurdle.